it's really going to happen

i'm going to be moving in two weeks. the movers are coming next weekend. that fact is slowly starting to seem real. i looked in my fridge and there's almost no food in there. just some yogurt and a flat of eggs. my freezer has more but that's because i haven't really eaten at home much the last few weeks. there are several frozen vegetarian dinners but that's it. my cabinets are almost empty. all my closets are packed except the rest of my clothes. i have to go get another suitcase this week. i have to finish packing everything this week.

i'll be staying with people next week - i won't have a home of my own. my car will be gone. i'll be in limbo - drifting around feeling lost but trying to put a good face on it. it's becoming more solid. this step into my future is manifesting - it's not just a dream anymore. i've done the work to get it started and now it's taken on its own life. the creation is mine but the direction is still to be determined. all i've done is sketch the foundation and put in some broad strokes of outline.

i feel like i'm starting the crash down from an extended high. like i've been so happy and up over this whole thing i've put off feeling the sad stuff until now. that was a bit deliberate. i knew i couldn't handle all the details if i was depressed for a month before the move. but i suppose i'm going to have to deal now. it's like the episode in Buffy's 5th season - The Body - where they focused so much on the everyday details surrounding death. all i can think about is that one flat of eggs in my fridge and how soon even they will be gone.

Internal and external power

The Asatti lecture Friday night was about internal and external power. Here's a list of some points I thought were important:

• Power struggles occur because of the illusion of scarcity (of everything - love, power, money, time, etc)


• Internal power comes with the realization that there is no shortage of power (i.e. no scarcity).


• External power is a result of an attempt to manipulate events/people so that we feel safe in our world


• When we feel internally powerful, we begin to disengage from external power struggles


• Passive (victim)personalities often give up their power very quickly. Their thought is that they'll be clubbed over the head & their power taken anyway, might as well avoid the struggle and give in immediately. The way to respond to this is to refuse to take their power and give it back to them. Soften yourself & retract a bit of your energy - give them a bit more space so they can feel safe & step into it.
  
• The way to deal with a bully is to refuse to engage.


• It is our choice as to whether or not we speak up when we see external power struggles that seem inappropriate (example: a parent abusing a child). We choose to engage or not based on how we wish to define ourselves in relation to that type of situation/problem.


• 'Firehose' type reactions (immediate, strong, perhaps overwhelming) are often based on purely mental ideas of how we think we 'should' react to a given situation (collective conscious programming). The higher response is to take a moment to connect with how we really feel - not how we think we should feel. This could involve asking for a moment, getting a drink of water, calling someone back, etc and taking a few minutes to bring energy to the fourth chakra and try to find out own truth.


• Internal power is also a result of knowing your truth - knowing how you truly feel in the moment, regarding the issue or event. Once you realize your own truth, it becomes less important what other people say or think about the issue/event. This makes it easier to release the need for external power.


• Sometimes, speaking your truth doesn't result in the outcome you expected.


• Sometimes, it's enough to simply speak.


• We have zero control over how others respond to our truth. We can only be clear within ourselves and come from the highest possible place. Their response is their choice.


• We are under no obligation to explain why something is true for us.


• The intent behind the words is more important than the words themselves. Speaking the *right* words with the (perhaps unconscious)intent to gain external power is not always effective. Personal note: This is why I have tried to become more and more conscious of my motivations for doing something. If it feels like a ploy to gain me something, I do a major rethink before setting out again.


• When you engage in external power struggles (even unconsciously), people sense it immediately and instantly begin to try and protect themselves. The contract and draw their energy back. This is counter-productive to effective communication because their hearts are closed and they've probably disconnected from how they're feeling. The possibility of getting an authentic response is then severly limited.


• People who channel a larger amount of energy or who have very strong energy need to be aware of the effect their energy has on others. To effectively communicate, it may be necessary to soften your energy or bring it back into yourself a bit. This allows the other person room to expand outward.

Symptoms of external power struggles: speaking faster, raising the voice, hand gestures/waving, the sensation of wanting to step back from the other person

I realize this is a list with minimal personal commentary but it's mainly for my benefit. I was thinking about the points that were most important for me and writing them out helps me cement them internally a bit better.

tidbittles

I enjoy Middle Eastern dance and found a good online resouce. It's actually a magazine but they've got some good info online too.

I've heard about this spread of the 'Western' beauty ideal - especially into the African and Asian countries. In fact, I think I read an article about the Miss Africa chosen either this year or last year - that she was the first one who didn't look like the other women in the country...sad. I'm just really sorry that twisted idea of beauty has become so globally pervasive.

Oh - should we clap and jump up and down with glee now that the media's sort of getting a clue?

Another story on the increasingly blurred line news & entertainment...

I understand a TV station not wanting to air advocacy ads but I thought they'd agreed to air an ad for the right. Can't remember...

Bad day

today has been a bad day. the badness started with the death of an innocent phone yesterday, paused for a bit when I went riding and then returned with a vengeance when I went by Caribou Coffee for carmellos and they didn't have them. I raced to the liquor store to get some Bailey's instead and had Bailey's & milk for a nightcap. I was hoping it would pack enough punch so I could sleep through the night but it didn't.

Got up and felt generally low. Got a beautiful email from jneal that made me cry and continued to cry for quite a while. Tried to put on a pair of my jeans, they didn't fit so I cried a bit more. Had to take my cat to the vet before going to do project records with tmart and that went horribly wrong also. Po was fine, I handed him over saying "He's a great cat, doesn't claw or anything" when he proceeded to have a psychotic break and wildly claw at the two assistants. The receptionist comes running out asking me to let them sedate him if necessary - another $43 bucks. What choice do I have? He's got to have the shots so I say okay, hoping he'll calm down.

Do project records all day, have lunch with tmart and fcoo and all that's okay. Go back to pick up Po and they *did* have to sedate him. He never calmed down, growled and swiped all day long. He was in a cardboard carrier acting like the cat in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (the one in the box wrapped as a package?). Get this - as soon as I took him outside by the car, he calmed down. He cried all the way home but nothing more - no growling or clawing. Got right out of the carrier like nothing was wrong.

The rest of the day didn't go much better until I went to one of Christine McMahon's Asatti lectures that evening. I'll blog about the content of the lecture later - I need to let the info percolate a bit...

panic mode

Okay, I've been trying to hold it off but panic mode is *definitely* hovering over my head! To use a completely worn out analogy - I feel like I'm juggling bunches of 'things' and I could drop one at any moment! Adding onto this is the desire to see as many people as possible and spend as much time with them as possible before I leave. I'm also working on getting all my address changes in, accounts closed, etc. It also seems that myriad other little 'do me's ' keep popping up. ceroed reminded me that I have to get my cat's shots all updated before he goes to live with her. I didn't even think about it because he's been an only cat for so long but she's right - gotta get that done.

Panic mode just set in with a vengeance. For those of you who don't know, I've been trying to learn more about nonviolence and change my thinking & behavior patterns to more peaceful & nonviolent patterns. Well, that all just flew out the window. I was making a call about my college loans, ended up on hold for 30 minutes and when the guy came on, we were cut off. That was it. I completely lost my sanity for about three minutes. I threw the phone handset (cordless) at the wall several times - breaking it, of course. But that wasn't enough. I detached the base from the wall and smashed it on the floor two or three times. Then I bawled for about 20 minutes.

So much for the nonviolent reaction. The phone was acting funny anyway but it didn't deserve to be annihilated like that. What was so scary is how absolutely furious I was. Thank god it was just the phone. Surprisingly enough, I didn't feel inclined to whale on my cat. I guess that's progress and I'm looking for it wherever I can get it. I'm noting this experience so I don't forget that I still have violent tendencies. As much as I have changed, there's still more road to travel...

sleepless for no good reason

It's 3:15 a.m. and I'm awake. I'm awake and I'm updating birthday reminders with my new email. How pathetic and sorry is that? How completely traumatic is it that I'm awake at 3:15 in the morning? Even worse, I'm tired. My eyes are heavy & gritty but I can't get comfortable and I damn sure can't get back to sleep. And not a drop of liquor in sight...

Disturbing

I hadn't thought about US political prisoners much and I'm still not sure what I think about the idea/reality. I guess that, in this way, I've succumbed to the popular belief that our justice system is *just* and that we wouldn't imprison people because of their beliefs. I can't believe I just wrote that. Bottom line is - I really never thought about it.

Four months doing....what?

I'm writing this at the request of a dear friend, garch. When he heard I had four months of relatively complete freedom he couldn't believe it. He's a guy who rarely takes more than a couple of days at a time off from work and he almost couldn't comprehend the idea of four months of idle time. He asked me to tell him what it's like so I'm going to try. I'm going to address two key questions: How on earth did I manage four months off and what has that experience been like?

Question 1: How did I manage to get four whole months off?

A bit of backstory is in order here so be patient and read on. If you don't want the backstory, just skip to the Question 2 heading. Backstory begins in Nov 2001. I lost my job, my ex and I were splitting so I decided to move into my own place and return to school. Through dint of much hoop-jumping, I was able to sign up for a couple of unemployment programs that not only paid for a portion of my books & tuition but allowed me to continue receiving UI during my schooling. All worked out well, I was able to complete 2 1/2 yrs worth of work in 1 1/2 yrs and graduate with honors.

I had originally planned to take a big trip or some time off after school, neither of which I did. Instead, I returned to work as a contractor, first on a six week assignment and then on a five months assignment. While on the longer assignment, I began thinking about grad school, researching programs and schools. At the beginning of Nov 2003, I flew to Portland and decided I was going to PSU. I also knew my current assignment was scheduled to end around Thanksgiving. This put me in an awkward position timewise. I could look for work knowing I could only accept extremely short term assignments - highly unlikely given the time of year - or I could simply bite the bullet and be unemployed for the 2 1/2 months I had left in NC. Because I'd worked enough, I was eligible for UI again so I chose the unemployment route. End of backstory, brings us to the second question.

Question 2: What has this experience been like?

It's been, in Dickens' words, the best of times and the worst of times. Obviously, there are all the perks that people associate with time off: laying in bed until all hours, no alarm clocks, don't have to shower as frequently, making lunch plans with whomever you like, visiting people, reading, doing whatever chores do or don't seem appropriate, bumming around, watching lots of Buffy & Angel, eating whenever you feel like it, and a total lack of responsibility to anyone other than yourself. Yes, that stuff has been totally cool and I've enjoyed almost every second :)

However, it's also brought to light an important realization: It's been difficult for me to find meaning in life without some external structure. We're so conditioned to having others tell us what to do and when to do it that it's extremely challenging to do *anything* without that framework. The flip side of the 'beholden to no one' coin is that you're beholden to the most important person of all - you. You're the only one looking at and judging anything you do. You have to report to yourself and decide whether or not what you did was important. The little indices & rewards of accomplishment that we're used to aren't there. You don't have project completion dates, you don't have reports to organize and present, no clients to woo, no one to say "I'm done, what next?" to, no familiar landmarks you can use to judge your progress, and no paycheck. UI doesn't count because you're not actually doing anything to earn it.

Although much of my time has been spent organizing a coast to coast move, doing some intro research & reading before classes begin, and spending as much time with loved ones as possible, there are few things I can look at with a sense of accomplishment; few things that I can get that feeling of having done something concrete. For a recovering overachiever like myself, it's torture. I'm literally living the phrase "It's the journey, not destination" and it's really really difficult.

Much of this time has been about learning to set my own priorities, determining for myself where I want to focus my energy, and deciding for myself if those choices were worthwhile. So much of what I've focused on these last eight weeks have been things that society considers as secondary to the *real* (working) world - personal growth, loved ones, health, and my happiness. It's often hard to function, to do, to accomplish, when you're the only boss you have to answer to. Releasing the need for external structure and control is not easy. On an extremely high level, we're conditioned to it since birth. We're trained to respond to external conditions and other people's commands. Being cut loose from all that has proven challenging. I've had to readjust my thoughts and my corresponding actions to reflect a new sense of internal control and power.

But that's what it's all about, isn't it? Taking time off to rediscover ourselves? That's a trite and cliche phrase but it holds a fair amount of truth. Until you can exist for a while outside the system, you can't have a clear idea of how deeply ingrained in our lives its rhythms and patterns truly are, how it sets our priorities, and can often determine much of the course of our lives. I've been able to discover what, if any, value the structure of the working world has for me. I've also been given the opportunity to reflect on how much of my personal power I've been conditioned to give away to external sources.

I'm truly grateful for this gift the universe has given me and I'm also extremely grateful that garch asked me to describe it. I realize that this may not be the kind of description he was asking for but it's what I felt led to write. Thank you, my friend :)

CBS refuses to run this

(from a Moveon.org email):

"...CBS still refuses to run "Child's Pay." But together, we can increase the pressure on CBS. And through the power of the Internet, we can make sure that millions of people see the ad and learn about the controversy. As a first step, forward this email or the original message attached below to your friends. Ask them to check out the ad at MoveOn

Go directly to the CBS petition

You can also send an email to CBS and join the campaign at that address. If you haven't joined the campaign yet, you can sign the petition there as well. Next, consider taking a moment to call CBS and let them know why you believe their refusal to run ads like this one is wrong. If you call, please be calm and polite -- it's not the folks who answer the phones' fault that CBS made this decision. You can reach them at:

CBS Comment Line
(212) 975-3247

We're spreading out the calls across a number of relevant CBS numbers, so hopefully you won't get a busy signal..."

DO IT!!

This is our country, CBS and other large networks have NO RIGHT to decide which political information is appropriate for us to watch!

so who's surprised by this?

You know, if the WMD claims hadn't led to (yet another) invasion/occupation, it wouldn't be such a big deal. However, thousands of Iraqis have died, not to mention hundreds of our own. The fact that BushCo is starting to stammer, fingerpoint, and try to pass the buck is pretty much SOP for them. So now they'll admit they were wrong but that it was the intelligence community's fault?

So if I'm given information but am told it's (probably) not true but I choose to use it as part of my argument anyway (without further verification), how is that the fault of the person who originally gave me the information? Isn't it my responsibility, especially in an *extremely* serious situation, to get as MUCH verification as to the truth of the information as possible? It's one thing to claim that a country has WMD based on your evidence. It's an entirely different matter to decide to invade a country based on that claim. In a situation that could lead to war, it seems to me that BushCo should have had enough ethical motivation to examine every perspective and analyze every fucking scrap of information they could find before making their decision.

To me, it looks like the only info they examined, even on a surface level, was information they thought they could use to justify war. It's true, the intelligence community is responsible for what they report but goddamn it - Bush is responsible for what he says, how he chooses to use that information, and the decisions he makes. You jerk - be a human for once and admit that you fucked up in a REALLY big way!

home schooling

There's a large homeschool population in Charlotte and NC. WFAE's Charlotte Talks did a good show on this topic this morning. Check the archives - it should be available in a couple of days.

tidbittles

Okay, I kind of liked Dennis Miller but the monkey thing is a bit weird. I'm not sure I'm on board with the whole "erase the line between news and entertainment" philosophy. Wasn't the one of the results of the embedded reporters during the war? I don't see that as a successful venture. If you begin viewing something as heinous as war as entertainment, then what can be considered news?

HOLEEE SHIT! This is exactly the kind of news reporting that people shopping in Wal Mart (one of the biggest perpetrators of labor abuses in the world) would want to see. I realize that's a bit stereotypical but Wal Mart caters to middle America and so does Fox News. So now the already uninformed or misinformed can get even more completely biased reporting while they're shopping for cheap stuff made by 8 year olds in China who get paid about .02 a week.

Wow - what a comprehensive article! I've followed the copyright issue a bit and feel that current regulations are too restrictive but don't have any idea what I can do. Professor Lessig has helped form Creative Commons - a group formed to look specifically at this problem - I'm going to keep an eye on them. I suppose many people don't care about this kind of thing because they're not really interested in reading or writing & they buy their music from Wal Mart.

just what we need

As a female who survived an encounter with a man who (I think) had taken Viagra, I have to say "Just say NO!" Guys - I'd rather you have a bit of trouble and work through it than come running at me with a penile battering ram. That's a SURE way to never go out with me again. I find it fascinating that the media has almost completely ignored women in the realm of sex aids and/or sexual dysfunction. Lubrication is as important for women as staying erect is for men but I don't recall a big humongous outcry over KY jelly. I'm surprised there's no measurement for penis hardness in the popular culture. I guess you could measure the hardness by how much it dents if you press on it...

I realize that I'm just pissing and moaning. It's obviously a male-dominated society and that, in such a society, sexual dysfunction for men is a huge issue. What I just don't get is why men are so obsessed with having bigger, harder dicks and women, most of them, don't really care. I guess it's just one more way for women to see that their opinions mean nothing to men when it comes to sex. Yes - I do know that it really has nothing at all to do with the woman and everything to do with his idea of himself as a man. However, as a female, I would rather see a man invest a little time/money in a men's support group and gain some self confidence than invest in a performance pill. Given I liked him enough to get to the sex stage, I'm pretty sure I would enjoy self confidence more than a never-ending hardon.

If a man is more worried about what his buddies think of his ability to get it up than his woman's pleasure in the activity, why doesn't he just take the pill, parade his long, hard, shiny dick around in front of them for a while, wait till it wears off and then go see his gal? That we we don't have to suffer the boner that won't go away and he gets to show off how potent he is. It's a win-win guys, what do you think?

Various civil rights websites

The Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee or SNCC was investigated for Communist infiltration. I looked at the first couple of pages and it was very interesting. This report was made public (I think) because of the Freedom of Information act. All the contact information is blacked out (of course) but they also blacked out the synopsis. Kind of defeats the purpose, right? I mean, wouldn't you want to read the report to find out what conclusions the government drew? Here's some more historical info on the SNCC - it includes links to information on the individuals also.

The Southern Christian Leadership Conference and some other current civil rights orgs. These are just some links I found while randomly surfing:

SCLC Magazine
The Coalition Against Political Abuse
Consumer Watchdog Not specifically civil rights but interesting nonetheless
Americans for Democratic Action

Inspiration

Motherjones, as always, provides inspiring articles and great reporting. As I've mentioned before, I've been reading Zinn's "People's History of the US" and Dr. King's "Where Do We Go from Here?" and I've been thinking a great deal about human subjugation and its implications. It seems to be more and more obvious that so much of our misery has come from our desire to make others submit to us, to do what we want them to do. That's true on a highly obvious and dramatic level but it's also true on a extremely subtle and almost unnoticeable levels.

On a lighter note - here's an amusing look at what BushCo. has planned for Mars...

quick Buffy note

I'm rewatching season 4 (mainly because of my icebound status), The Initiative episode, and realizing again how much I dislike the character of Professor Maggie Walsh. She's a honking big asshole. Sad thing is, I've seen teachers like that...

wintery weather abounds!

the carolinas are iced in by our usual once a winter freezing rain/sleet/snow storm. it's kind of fun, actually, since i'm not working. although i am a bit bored by just hanging around (mainly because all my stuff is packed & i'm looking at piles of cardboard) - i like not feeling like i have to go run an errand or anything. i'm guilt free because everyone else *should* be staying home also. i just walked up to the local harris teeter and bought $20 worth of stuff i would not have bought otherwise. That $20 included cheese nips and nilla wafers - absolutely perfect snackies for laying around watching Buffy! To balance the faux foods, i also got sushi for lunch & some uncle ben's wild rice (to have with some veggies) for dinner.

yes, well, after reading that last paragraph it's become pretty clear that i'm out of stuff to write about so i'm off for now. i will be back later b/c i have to write something for garch. he asked me to describe what it's like to have four months off. i haven't written it yet because i've been letting it simmer. i think it'll be ready later today. oops - also gotta go look for last week's jobs & call in my weekly UI claim...

could we piss off more people?

After reading about Katharine Gun I'm beginning to wonder if there's anything left in this country that's worth holding my head up over. I mean, are there ANY ethics left in our government at all? I'm sure countries spy on each other all the time - it's the unfortunate ones caught in the middle who either blow the whistle or lower their personal ethical standards & don't say anything.

This also goes to show how woefully uninformed I was about many of the events & circumstances surrounding the war effort. Although I did follow enough news to realize that there was no evidence to support any of the claims made by Bush, I obviously missed many other happenings. Even though I follow almost none of the mainstream media, you would think that this story would have made some major headlines. Apparently, you would have been wrong. This story didn't make it into any of the US media outlets until a few days ago when the NY Times ran it.

Almost a year later, a major American newspaper runs this story. Far far too late to have much effect on the war machine. But perhaps early enough to have an effect on whether or not Bush buys his way into the white house.

As if enough people in the world didn't hate us already...

cripes!!

The movers are coming in two weeks to pick up my stuff! that means i'm flying out three weeks from tomorrow. I feel a bit weird as things seem to be on Pause for a bit. I guess I'll hit the Play button again as soon as I find out exactly what day the movers will be here. Also, I've gotten rid of all my For Sale stuff except the dining room set (anyone need a beautiful table & chairs?). The last *big* thing I have to do is arrange to have my car shipped. I'll probably take care of that this next week.

I'm supposed to go to visit my friends out east but that ain't happening now. We've already got a couple of inches of ice & looks like there's more to come tomorrow...I can't believe the movers are coming in just two weeks...I know there's going to be a massive flurry of packing the couple of days before they show up. I've still got to buy another suitcase - I'll be living out of two suitcases & two carryon bags for probably two weeks. That may seem excessive but I've got to have books & music also!

yipppee!

well, we're actually getting some snow this morning! Even though I've groaned & complained about the chilliness lately, I love winter and love snow. I've been whining mainly because my body has had some trouble adjusting to the cooler temps & I've been cold a lot. I'm going to go pick up lehud and have breakfast - should be much fun :)

Jail time injustice

So who goes to jail & how long are they there?

Effective?

So much of the information and suggestions for action to reform politics and such seems to be good stuff. However, it's still not addressing the cause of all the problems - the people responsible for creating, implementing, enforcing, and perpetuating the current system. It's true that issues like campaign reform, voting reform, globalization, environmental protection, and a huge variety of social issues all need to be addressed but it seems like there is no discussion around closely investigating the source of the problems.

It's the men & women who have run our country and are currently running our country who have been key players in putting today's problems into place. On a larger scale, it's everyone in country but I'm going to narrow it down and look at our 'leaders' only. One thing I see as a problem is the definition of leadership. It seems that the people being led define leadership one way while the people leading define it differently. What's interesting is that leaders probably had a different definition before they took office. So what changes when someone becomes a leader? What happens that is so powerful that they would slowly (but surely) change their thougts and actions around the idea of leadership?

We hear 'leaders' talking all the time about what they want to do but they so rarely seem to make it happen. Politicians run on platforms that, while wonderful to imagine, seem impossible on a practical level. Yet we listen to them. So there has to be something there - they truly believe they can do what they say and they're able to convince large numbers of people of the same. So what happens after they get into office? Is it true that there is no honest politician? Is it true that our entire political system is completely corrupted and that no one can do anything that's truly for the good of the constituents? I find it hard to believe that our political system is as corrupt as that in some other countries. We still have huge advantages over countries that are ruled by dictators, military factions, or outright bribery & graft. There are still some checks and balances, weak though they might be.

Lately I've been reading Howard Zinn's "People's History of America" and it is some fascinating stuff. With all the recent talk about the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, it seems that we should take a MUCH closer look at what was really intended with the creation of these documents. As Zinn notes, even though there has been an incredible amount of good progress that's come from these ideas, the basic premise for both of them was to keep certain portions of the population in check so that the people in power could remain in power.

Interesting. Especially since the men who created the framework for the US as a nation have almost been granted godhood despite all the evidence to the contrary. I should note, however, that the same institution that has promoted them as sterling & selfless examples of perfect citizens is also the institution that they worked so hard to protect. Obviously, that institution worships these men and will do what it has to do to protect and promote the idea that they & their creations were above reproach.

But I want to look at this from a different perspective. From a more 'energy follows intent and we create our own reality' perspective. If the intent behind these powerful documents was to subtly promote one set of citizens while keeping another set intact, how could the manifestation of that intent be any different than what we're seeing today? If only one sector of society was intended to ultimately benefit from what our founding fathers created, how could the results be different than what we're seeing? It's becoming more and more obvious that the Constitution and Bill of Right, outstandingly progressive creations though they may be, are inherently flawed. They were written from a paradigm that was wealthy, white, patriarchial, racist, classist, and all the other 'ists' that we're now seeing.

Although they used langauge that would suggest concepts such as freedom for all, equality, and justice, this language was backed by extremely strong feelings of those concepts applying only to certain groups. Since energy follows intent and we create energetically, we've created (all of us, every one who has ever considered themselves American or on American soil) a fantastic contradiction. We look at the words and see this wonderful statement of freedom and justice. We look at America and see that those words aren't manifested except in some fairly narrowly defined circumstances. And we're enraged - rightly so.

I believe part of the problem is in the way we've been taught to think about the 'founding fathers', the government they created, the ideas they pioneered, and the reason they began even looking to form a government. Actually, we're not taught anything about them at all except that they were one step down from god and that nothing they said or did should be questioned. My big question would be "Why, if they were all well off, did they even look to start forming a centralized government?" No one, I repeat, no one is ever that altruistic. To say that all these men stood to gain nothing from this exercise - that all they were interested in was the good of their fellow man is just idiotic. Of course there was something in it for them, the question is - what what it?

I'm not advocating that we revisit everything that happened and scrounge around for dirt on these guys. Obviously, they were part of an incredibly successful (in certain ways) and wonderful, exciting experiment. I do not intend to denigrate their efforts or scorn what has been accomplished. It is obvious that the American experience of democratic government (as far as we can call it that) has affected our world in an infinite number of ways - many of them good, demonstrating that rule by force isn't the only choice. But our world is starting to look for even more than that. We're starting to look at the rule of force as completely unacceptable but we're also starting to look at rule by the very very few (to their own advantage) as wrong also - no matter how prettily it's cloaked.

In essence, we're starting to look for ways to fine tune the democratic process and make it truly democratic. My feeling is that we need to understand WHY it's not working right now in order to move forward. Back to energetic communication and energy following intent. If the intent of the document & government creators was to create something to protect their own standing, it's only sensible that it's manifested itself that way. But that way isn't acceptable any more so what's the answer?

My thought - we should revisit these documents (and others perhaps) and take a close look at the language that was used to shape them. The people who would be chosen to do such a review, however, would be the key. They would be people with a strong intent to revisit these issues for the betterment of all people, not just Americans and not just wealthy white male Americans. I also don't know how they would be chosen. We wouldn't want the current people in power to choose b/c they would choose people likely to continue things as they are.

How to choose a Constitutional review council would be an interesting challenge. There has obviously been a lot of work done on this already but is it valid work? Is work done by privileged white male scholars work that could be used or work that inherently furthers the current status quo? Does that mean white males would be left out of the council? This type of challenge is MUCh bigger than it appears at first glance. We would need to completely revisit our definition of equality and change our perspective on what are considered valuable traits in a human being. I say this because if we choose people who are 'appropriate' based on our current definition of leader, we are keeping ourselves in the box of the current framework.

Much of the value that women and other marginalized groups bring are values entirely separate and different than those favored by the current societal structure. For example - the way women make decisions (more intuitive and less logical) is almost completely devalued by our society. Although that's changed slightly in the past few years, it's still scorned and seen as a weak and feminine trait (unless your a corporate CEO/raider type who 'gut jumps' into success). The truth is, that type of decision making has HUGE value and is a much more accurate way to make a decision based on the current moment's needs. And that's only one example.

I realize that an undertaking like this - revisiting the documents that were used to found our country and our government - is almost off the scale of what we consider doable but I think it's becoming more and more necessary. We can keep trying to patch the existing ideas with new ideas but, as the ideas are flawed at such a fundamental level, I have to wonder how long they (and the people marginalized by them) can withstand the strain. Americans are only governed by law because they have, so far, maintained a social contract with state and federal governments. What will it take for them to break that contract? If a contract doesn't serve the people who agreed to abide by it, should we not find a way to revisit that contract?

Boycotting

Here's a post from Yahoo's Deeplistening group:

"People have asked for a list of companies to boycott. Here are some excellent web sites to get started with that show, among other things, the major campaign contributors to both Bush and the Republican party. http://www.boycottbush.net/consumers.htm

Most of them are British or Canadian, but I think one is American.

Here's a list of sites.

http://www.boycottbush.net
http://www.boycottamerica.org
http://www.whitehouseforsale.org
http://www.opensecrets.org
http://www.enough.org.uk/ This one has good info on consumerism.
http://www.adbusters.org
http://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/boycott_america/
http://www.ethicalconsumer.org
http://www.corpwatch.org
http://www.stopesso.com this one is specific to esso/exxon/mobil.

There are many other specific boycott sites for McDonalds, etc.

http://www.boycottbush.net/consumers.htm will give you a list of the specific product names that fall under large corporate companies. There are so many that I think it's far easier to just buy everything either locally made or from a health food or Whole Foods store and check if it's made by small organic companies. If you've ever seen an ad for the product, there's a pretty good chance it's owned by a mega corporation. But there are exceptions. I don't think Stoneyfield Yogurt has been bought out yet. They have good politics. But Ben and Jerry's sold out. They don't own Ben and Jerry's any more. Although Ben is doing great political work. Just as well. Ice cream tastes great, but it's really pretty unhealthy.

You should get all the info you need from these sites. Boycotting has been having an impact in Great Britain, France, and Germany. I don't think it's really even started in the America yet. There have been a lot of campaigns to boycott French products though. And the media showed congressmen pouring French wine into the streets. But, so far, the American corporations have been pretty safe from a home grown boycott. And, if you look at some of the writing in enough.org.uk, you'll see what kind of damage these mega corporations, like Walmart, have done to the American landscape, its communities, small businesses, and quality of life. It's pretty hideous. In America, we like to call it the inevitability of progress and "pro-growth".

What it really means is massive profits for fewer and fewer massive corporations, and increased alienation, stress, anger, fear, and depression in the American people. Plus other nasty things like loss of jobs, loss of downtown communities and neighborhoods, and a lower standard of living. It's not really as inevitable as we think it is. The malls and Walmarts could become gardens and neighborhoods again. It all depends on how we and our neighbors spend our money. Thanks for helping out with this. Every dollar we spend is a vote. Vote wisely. And encourage your family, friends, and neighbors to do likewise. We really can help relieve some of the suffering in this country. It's clear we can't rely on the politicians to do it. But that's ok, because we can.

These huge corporations are far more vulnerable than any of us think. The law and regulations can't touch them. They've bought that world. But, by not buying their products, we can touch them. If enough of us realize this and take action, or inaction (just don't buy anything), massive boycotts will send such a powerful political message that changes will happen and fast. For one thing it will change the direction of the next presidential election. For another it will weaken the power of the mega-corporations to influence politics if they're struggling to stay in business. And if the boycotts keep up beyond the the election, it will change the entire political, economic, and social landscape, both in America and around the world. Very likely, by reducing the oppressive power of America, it will even end terrorism. The corporate push to privatize everything around the world will slow down, and people will once again come before greed and profit, the planet will begin to heal. That's a lot more power than any of us thought we had. Let's use it. And help others use it. "

tidbittles

Is anyone really surprised by this little revelation?

Or by this one? Anybody with any sort of reasonable intelligence or rational thinking ability has know this for quite a while.

Perhaps this whole war thing was simply Bush's attempt to make up for the military time he didn't do? It's fairly clear that he managed to duck out of his committment there, why are we so surprised at his lackluster dedication to committment now?

An interesting idea, but how can we do it? Is there a precedent in place for the voting population to overturn a Supreme Court decision? If so, why wasn't that procedure undertaken when Bush was given the white house? I'm not entirely sure what he's suggesting - how do you overturn a Supreme Court ruling?

11 electoral reforms that could transform our voting process. Since we've never truly experienced fair & equal elections, ya gotta wonder what it would look like...

The 2004 spending bill is on its way to smirkboy. Reading through the few comments included in this article is somewhat discouraging. When you see the words "well, I didn't like some of the provisions but we had to move on it" you KNOW there's some shit in there that'll eventually hit the fan. But not before some political whoremongers get really really rich from it...

For those who are interested in the *big* multinationals - here's a good site to check out.

This is cool! More power to webkids!

For those of us who like personality tests

Simplicity?

Saw a post on the Deep Listening group about moving towards a simpler life. It may sound stupid, but I didn't realize there's actually a community of people out there who are interested in doing this. I think I'm going to have to check it out. One of the by products of this move is that I realized how much stuff I'd accumulated and how much of it I don't need. I still have a lot of junk that's going to take me some time to let go of but I've felt very strongly that simplifying my life is also part of this move. Interesting...

Here are a couple of online resources I've found:

The Simple Living Network This seems to be a site that mainly promotes books on simple living. Interesting resource for books & discussing their content I think.

Inner Explorations - a section of their site

Greensense NOTE: Is simple living the same thing as sustainable living?

Pioneer Thinking - tips on moving to a simpler life?

A person's resource center for simplifying. Interesting because there's some stuff here I don't agree with but it should still be interesting to look through.

I'll check it out and see what's going on. Possible that this is just another fad that I can ignore. Might be that what I'm actually looking for is a way to begin living a more sustainable lifestyle. We'll see but I know that I'm already paring things down...

all those emails!

As much as I support progressive politics and a variety of activist and non-Bush groups, I'm about sick of seeing all those emails in my inbox. The day after the Iowa primary I had several emails from the non-Kerry & Edwards factions talking about what it meant, what they were doing etc. I know that's SOP and it's good work on the part of their campaign team but goodness! Not just from one group but from several. I did read through them and I thought Kucinich's speech was well done - I hope he does better in NH.

However, the real kicker was the day after the state of the union address. Probably 50 emails from all these groups talking about this or that fact/point, why it's wrong, what we need to do, ect. I realize that's both the blessing & the curse of online activism but goodness! What I find distressing is the overwhelming amount of information - some of it identical - that's disseminated by all these groups. I also understand that pelting people with many different emails also provides them with lots of opportunities to act AND keeps the topic at the front on their mind but it's still overwhelming sometimes.

Because these groups all have their own agenda, there are an infinite number of opinions and suggestions on what should be done. How do you decide? I try to skim through most of the stuff I get but the amount of information is staggering. I suppose this is all part of it. Deciding what means the most to you and then really focusing on it. But what do you do when what's important (the people governing our country) is SO huge? It's almost impossible to pick one topic when they all seem not only vital but interrelated.

So here's where activism starts to break down. People see that there are so many problems, they feel overwhelmed, and they just give up trying at all. My feeling is because activist groups are often so desperate for help and so strident in their message that they just overkill stuff. Many of them are coming from such a negative, fear based place that they literally create that no one cares about their issue and no one will help them. They're also so afraid that nothing can be done that, literally, nothing can be done.

It would be an interesting exercise to build an acitivist group that wasn't based in a desperate fear that 'something bad will happen if we don't do X' but that built itself from a desire to choose differently, to create a higher path through activism. Fear is only as strong as the force feeding it and pushes back with only as much force as we push against it. So if we could find a way to bring together people who aren't afraid that something will happen but who have looked at the issue and decided that it doesn't serve them and they want to change it, how much different and more effective might that be? I've not been very clear on discussing this as the ideas behind it are somewhat difficult to transcribe into words. At any rate, it sounds interesting to me...

A couple of comments

Okay - I had to hold off a bit until the red cloud of rage lifted and I could see through the haze of lies and distortion presented as the State of the Union last night.

Quote: ".... Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations..." WMD related program activities? Can you vague that up for us a little more Mr. Dumbass?

Quote: "...“If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will on the people, the only alternative to the people will be the constitutional process” Ummmmm....if I remember correctly, judges forcing their arbitrary will on the people was okay when they gave you the election a couple of years ago - remember Mr. Not Duly Elected By the Process of Law? Not to mention that pesky Constitution thingy. I know you sicced Ashcroft on that thing - hasn't he gotten rid of it yet?

What I thought was really neat was watching the reactions to what he was saying. When the camera wasn't panning over the 1/3 to 1/2 of the audience shiteaters who stood and applauded when that sanctimonious bastard even breathed, did ya see how the military guys & gals were reacting? They could barely force their hands together. And they weren't the only ones, there was a lot of unenthusiastic applause and a lot of disbelieving looks. Hillary Clinton & Ted Kennedy got their looks captured on camera. The camera people, however, weren't too interested in capturing too many nonbelievers. Guess they were told to make it look like Bush has *lots* of people happy about his plans.

The Center for American Progress put up this great little checklist of issues. I printed one just so I could see if he accidentally talked about a real issue but I sure didn't have to worry - that bastard didn't address one single issue listed on my checklist.

You know, I realize it's pretty pointless to talk about how much I dislike the administration but I just feel so helpless to do anything right now. Other than speaking out about I feel, what is there to do except campaign for a Democratic hopeful? The bad thing is, I firmly believe that whatever you focus on you feed and all my focus on Bush is negative. So all I'm doing is feeding negative energy to an already bad situation. That doesn't help but it's hard to know what can...

Speaking freely

More people are going on record against the Patriot Act.

It's good to hear that Bush and Cronies are working so diligently to keep on raping the country.

Commentary on O'Neill's revelations. Why are we surprised?

You know what I'm finding more and more surreal? The fact that there are so many people writing for so many publications (either print or online) who call themselves investigative journalists. I realize that the left has just as many problems as the right and that left-leaners are in no way, shape, or form perfect. However, it certainly seems that there are a LOT of stories that are at least reported in left leaning & progressive papers that aren't even glanced at by the major publications. I mean, could they even LOOK?

This stuff about Cheney & Scallia taking off on a hunting trip after the Supreme Court agreed to hear Cheney's case about energy flim flams - fucking WHAT? Can the mainstream media even mouth the words "Conflict of Interest" anymore? I've heard of sheep and selling out, etc. but this boggles the mind almost as much as the reasoning given for invading Afghanistan and Iraq. It's like the people we look to to give us news and information have just had their brains eaten. What a bunch of lily livered, spineless, brainless cowardly idiots. They could at least try.

Obviously, the LA Times printed the story but I used that just as an example. Will any big mention be made? Will there be repercussions for either of them? Who polices the Supreme Court when they seem to be stepping across ethical boundaries? Why can't we get any answers to these types of questions - or ANY questions around the actions of Bush and his cohorts...

Photoshop

I have discovered the joys of the most shallow use possible for Adobe's Photoshop - applying all kinds of neat filters to photos. True, I'm not too good at touching up or anything but I love those filters!

State of the (dis) union

I just found the Center for American Progress and they have a nifty checklist you can use to see if Bush's State of the Union actually addresses the issues or even answers any of the hard questions.

quote

Here's a neat quote I saw on the Word of the Day list today:

"Words are the soul's ambassadors, who go / Abroad upon her errands to and fro."
-James Howell, writer (c. 1594-1666)

Light of my heart!

Here is a beautiful picture of me and my niece - taken at Christmas time by either my brother or his wife:



Yes, I did edit it a bit, we weren't orginally sepia toned LOL Since I got the hard copy picture, I scanned it and the marks on the photo show a bit. I love it though, it's probably one of my favorite pictures ever :)

Martin Luther King, Jr memorial in Charlotte

I'm not entirely certain what to say about this gathering. It was extremely small, maybe 25 people tops. No one spoke except the person with the microphone. There was a Free Speech Zone sign up - I'm not sure why. I heard that this particular gathering wasn't included in some other events (or something) because of the anti-war sentiment & protestors. The Free Speech Zone sign really had me wondering. Was the sign for our benefit (so people would feel free to talk, like a safe zone for abuse survivors) or was it to warn the (completely not present) police faction that we had staked out this territory as a place we could speak?

It struck me as so odd because this is Charlotte, banking capitol of the south and one of the larger southern cities. Of course we would pride ourselves on free speech but only within the boundaries of what is considered acceptable. Charlotte, non-hotbed of any kind of activism except the kind that advocates capitalism. Charlotte, where everyone seems to be about seeming as good or better than everyone else. Charlotte, the last place to step out of line & need police control for those out-of-control Free Speechers. Even within this zone, there was almost no speech.

You could tell that many of the people there knew each other - probably from past events and gatherings. There were few people like me, I think, people new to the scene and interested in making things happen. It felt jaded and old. Sad and faded. Tired, worn out, and dispirited with trying. There was a spark or two of enthusiasm but it faded terribly quickly. A city as large as Charlotte and we could only turn out 25 people in honor of the great spirit Dr. King. How terribly terribly sorrowful. Do people not care? Does the memory of what he stood for stand so far back that people can't touch it anymore? I can feel it even thinking about his words or hearing his voice. I can't imagine what it was like to hear him in person.

But it's not the man that's important, it's what he stood for. Nonviolence, equality, justice, right actions, right words, right behaviors. Are these things so lost from our vocabulary and daily lives that we can't remember them for an hour one day a year? Charlotte feels so dead, so lifeless and so without meaning for me. It feels dry and dusty, withered and shriveled up. A soul that's gone untouched and neglected, without nuturing, for such a long long time. To try to nurture such a shell feels like an impossible task for me now. Beyond the reach of my imagination and belief - how can I believe that I could facilitate such a thing? A lacking in confidence in my own power, my own strength and light. But I'll learn and I'll bring those things back.

I met someone today - a wonderful speaker, a man with a great and generous energy. I introduced myself to Mr. Ahmad Daniels after his brief speech and found a kindred spirit - albeit one who has journeyed much farther than me. I have been creating that the universe would bring me teachers, guides, and mentors and I believe he could be one. I also met the Codepink organizer in Charlotte. Apparently, the Charlotte chapter is in a lull right now but there are a couple of people still involved. I'm looking forward to possibly meeting some Codepinkers in Portland.

So an interesting mix of sadness and eagerness for me at my first ever activist event. It may not seem like much to other people, but I don't think I'll ever forget it. If nothing else, it will always inspire me to infuse as much energy, joy, and love into any event I'm involved in. That's what was missing today - there was no joy, no life, no happiness. It felt like a great deal of fear, anger, and bitterness (all understandable) but it was not a celebration of Dr. King's life and his message. It felt much more like we were grieving his absence and his presence rather than celebrating his spirit. Next time will be different.

fighting for principles?

When you fight for principles, who wins? If the people who were affected by the issue don't care, should others keep fighting? Is it really that important?

more voting stuff

Vote-Smart.org is a great website designed to help those of us who are somewhat challenged when it comes to finding out who our elected officials are, how they've voted, etc.

the future?

Cheney just visited Portland to raise money (I think) and was met by protesters and not a lot of love. I mention this because the protestors were forced into a Free Speech Zone that was surrounded by a chain link fence and barbed wire. Ummm...I thought all of America was supposed to be a Free Speech Zone. What the fuck? Because a politician decides to visit a town, does that mean the entire town becomes a No Free Speech Except in Designated Areas Zone?

If so, they need to publish the rules they're using to determine exactly how big the NFSEDAZ area is. Is it a certain mile radius out from the Important Person? Or is it a radius out from where said IP is staying? What are they doing about all the other people in the NFSEDAZ area? How are they patrolling their speech? And how are they determining who is and isn't taking advantage of their so-called free speech? Do they have free speech zones for people who agree with the IP? They obviously have Free Speech pens for those who don't.

This makes my head hurt. It's illogical and it's frightening in its blatant disregard, nay disdain, for our civil rights. But what do we do? I'm not one with answers. I've never been part of a demonstration and it scares me to think about getting beaten up by the police. Jail doesn't frighten me as much as maybe getting bones broken, face smashed, or teeth busted out. And I wouldn't put it past the police these days. Apparently, non-violent protesters are considered fair game for them to practice their fighting skills on.

I try to take comfort in this quote from Dr. King:

"So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."

But it's hard. I've been getting more involved in causes I believe in and that's one of the reasons I'm moving. PDX has more to offer by way of activism and organized protest/resistance but I'm still afraid. I agree with Dr. King that beating someone up doesn't accomplish anything except hurting both parties. But they don't believe that. If they believe it, they sure don't act like it. So much negative energy just feeding itself and intensifying. Can I really make a difference? Is it conceit to think that maybe I could? I don't know but I know that being afraid (before I'm even there) makes me feel bad. I don't accept feeling afraid as an acceptable response so something else is called for. I guess I'll figure it out as I go along...

speaking of speech...

An interesting comment on how police are responding to nonviolent protests... So pro-war (hence, pro-violence) protests are NOT met with police brutality yet anti-war (maybe anti-violence, maybe not) ARE met with police brutality - what?? I understand that just because someone is anti-war doesn't necessarily mean they're also partial to nonviolence and vice versa but shouldn't there be at least an attempt to APPEAR fair?

More writing on how large corporations are stifling much of the creativity in America. I mentioned once before that recording companies would probably put a contract out on anyone who came up with a viable opensource style alternative for artists to use to distribute their work.

Spirituality and citizenship

Here's a tiny list of people I think are doing good work in the spiritual/social activism realm. NOTE: This is a *tiny* list - I know there are LOTS more people working in this field...

Paul Loeb: Soul of a Citizen
Marshall Rosenberg: Nonviolent Communication. Helped found the Center for Nonviolent Communication.
Marianne Williamson: Healing the Soul of America. Helped found the Global Renaissance Alliance.

The missing link?

For some reason, I completely forgot to blog about my incredible find! I discovered author Danah Zohar and ordered three of her books: The Quantum Self, the Quantum Society, and SQ. I'm reading SQ (along with Howard Zinn's "People's History of the United States") now and it's difficult to describe how concisely she pulls thoughts and ideas together. So much of the random wondering and searching for meaning, she's not only proposing a solution but she's doing an awesome job defining the problem!

In my opinion, that's been a huge issue - no one knows truly what the problem ( the apathy, the cynicism, the disinterest, and meaninglessness) has been. She's taking a huge step in addressing that issue by looking at exactly what seems to be troubling people. Why are they miserable, unhappy, bored, suicidal, depressed, alcoholic, etc...

profanity

Profanity is an interesting concept.

Profane (as an adjectived) is defined by Meriam-Webster as:
1 : to treat (something sacred) with abuse, irreverence, or contempt
2 : to debase by a wrong, unworthy, or vulgar use.

Profanity (as a noun) is defined as:
1 a : the quality or state of being profane b : the use of profane language
2 a : profane language b : an utterance of profane language

So what is it that's sacred that's being desecrated when we use the word fuck (as Bono did)? Could it be sex? Now that's an interesting concept. Members of organized religions would probably be screaming yes right about now but let's stop for a second and consider the word sacred.

Here are several definitions of the word sacred, also provided by Meriam-Webster:

1 a : dedicated or set apart for the service or worship of a deity {a tree sacred to the gods} b : devoted exclusively to one service or use (as of a person or purpose) {a fund sacred to charity{
2 a : worthy of religious veneration : HOLY b : entitled to reverence and respect
3 : of or relating to religion : not secular or profane
4 archaic : ACCURSED
5 a : UNASSAILABLE, INVIOLABLE b : highly valued and important {a sacred responsibility}

All these definitions of sacred are used at one time or another I suppose and the one you use would probably be determined by the context of the situation. What I find interesting is that the religious-minded persons in our society are being allowed to define what is and is not profane. Profane language is language that desecrates something that is considered sacred, it's nasty, dirty, etc. So who determines what those nasty and dirty words are? Why, it appears that those words become dirty if they profane something defined as sacred by the religious sector.

Sex is (laughably) defined as sacred by organized religions. I say laughably because they don't treat it as a sacred thing, to be revered and respected, they treat it as a nasty dirty thing that's shameful and disgusting. Of course, that's an entire field of study in itself so I won't make more comments about that. The point I'm trying to make is that the tenants of organized religion creep into our lives whether or not we believe and follow those tenants. In ways we often don't even consider. Why are certain words considered profane while others aren't? Because religions decide based on their set of internal regulations.

I'm not doing too well with this topic because it keeps boggling my mind how entwined these religions (mainly Christianity) are with our society. Even people (like me) who don't subscribe, adhere, believe, or respect these institutions have our lives affected by them in some way. For a country that screamed (at one time) "Separate the church and state!" we haven't done that great of a job. I guess you could also make the point that you can't ever truly separate the two because the same people who are involved in running the state are probably involved in some kind of religious activity. You cannot separate someone's beliefs from their actions or their lives. Sad but true.

On another note, this whole discussion about profanity apparently doesn't affect politicians (the very people who are supposed to be separating the church from the state) because we wouldn't want to interfere with *their* First Amendment rights. Here's a short excerpt from the article I referenced about Bono:

"...If passed by the five-member FCC commission, Powell's proposal would outlaw Bono's profanity in almost all instances, singling it out as the one word that would nearly guarantee an FCC fine if uttered between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. on radio and broadcast television. Exceptions would include if the profanity is used in a political situation; the FCC's indecency rules include no mandates that might chill political speech..."

Because political speech is so much more important than any other kind... (I wonder who's getting the money from the fines & what it's being used for?)

and so it goes...

More news about the pre-9/11 war plans...

MoveOn.org made a mistake with the Hitler ads, but here's some information about Nazi-oriented invective from the righteous right. Why the fuck aren't the mainstream media outlets covering this? Why aren't the LEFTIST organizations talking about this??? So I'll eat a bit of crow - Utne, at least, has mentioned it...

last but not least, here's an interesting article on why (in case we had serious doubts remaining) we went to war. Funny thing is, Gore Vidal talked about this in late 2002 in Dreaming War: Blood for Oil and the Cheney-Bush Junta but I haven't seen much mention of his writing in any media. I just read his book this past year and felt he was probably dead on. I wouldn't say he's a prophet (I don't much believe in prophets) but he seems to have some insight into our government's politics.

kickin' music

Okay, so Damien Rice is news to me!

Inspirational...

I found a beautiful piece of writing yesterday. It's from a book called The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and it is a phenomenal piece of prose.

more tales of lies and deceit

MotherJones has a few more choice tidbits about the White House's bamboozling the public into war... The Lie Factory by By Robert Dreyfuss and Jason Vest is an interesting piece. However, this report from the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace has the blow by blow details about what Bushco knew & didn't know.

who's going to vote?

Moveon.org's ad campaign, Bush in 30 Seconds, was inspired and successful. MotherJones is now reporting that the ads may be a bit too leftist and negative to garner much support in the swing states. Apparently, people in these states are neutral or mildly support Bush and may not be ready to believe he deliberately lied to us about Iraq. What will they say when the mainstream media finally picks up on the fact that this invasion was planned before 9/11 and that that tragedy was a fabulously convenient excuse for the invasion?

What the fuck? How can people *not* be (at least) getting angry? How much more shit do you have to have rubbed on your face before you realize it's disgusting and you don't deserve shit in your face? I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised but I am. I cannot believe that people aren't at least beginning to question what's happened. Do they have NO powers of logical thought and reasoning at all? Are they that fucking blind and complacent? I understand if they've really taken the time to read up on what's been going on and, for whatever fucked up reason, have decided to still support Bush but COME ON!!! I'm hearing that entire states are 'neutral or mildly supportive'?

Obviously, I'm angry. How else can you respond? Bush's power mongering and abusive tactics seem so obvious to me that it's difficult to believe that others can't, or won't, see it also. Do they have no power of logical thought or reasoning? Are they SO isolated that they only hear news from Fox? Are they so stupid they can't make connections? Or are they so fucking complacent they just don't give a damn?

No big surprise

Gore Vidal's book Dreaming War talked about these plans almost a year and half ago. I guess it's no big surprise that Vidal was right but it's just downright discouraging to actually hear it.

It's hard not to let the actions of those in power cheapen the deaths of all those people from 9/11. But that's what it feels like - that the war/power mongers have taken that tragedy and used it to further their own ends. No, those people didn't die in vain but it's despicable that the 'leader' of the US would be part of such a disgusting show of self interest. I realize that may sound a bit naive but there really aren't adequate words to describe how I feel about such reprehensible behavior.

Bush and his cronies are lower than animals. It's not fair to compare them to any sort of animal because the animal is degraded during the process. Their obvious lack of either personal integrity or any sort of recognizable ethics makes it difficult to discuss their actions within a common framework or reference. There are behaviors that most people consider unacceptable and those behavioral rules are usually unspoken but commonly accepted. When high profile people, leaders, seem to completely ignore or abandon what most of society considers guidelines of 'right' behavior, it leaves us stunned and unable to respond.

Without some sort of common boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable, I find it difficult to form connections to other people. We all have our personal boundaries but we also exist within the context of our society. If our leaders totally disregard 'right' behavior, what does that say to us? What message does that send to the rest of the country and the world?

Printers (argh)

I love HP printers but for god's sake, can't they just keep the reference numbers on the replacement ink cartridges the same??? I picked up a replacement cartridge that I thought was the same (instead of using the part # on the cartridge itself I was forced to try & remember what type of printer I had) and it's not quite the same. It looks identical except for some of the little spots on the copper part that (I guess) is the important bit. crap. now I've got to go exchange it...

RSS

Yes, I realize that, for a blogger, I'm a bit behind the times by not having my blog set up for an RSS feed. Actually, it might be set up and I just don't know it. So I've decided to learn what I can about RSS and see if I can get around having to pay for it :)

Why even bother...?

If this kind of thing is just SOP for our government and our senators & congresspeople 'can't' vote against it, why even pretend that the American people have a say in how our intelligence agencies are run? I'm glad I don't know very much about how they operate and how they're funded because it would be too much overwhelmingly bad news to cope with.

Okay - this story is hilarious. The thought that these other nations could even touch us within the next 5-10 yrs is ludicrous. Not because they're not trying or don't have good technology, but our big technology companies simply won't stand for not being the biggest players. They'll do what they have to and now it looks like they're going the way of the defense, airline, insurance, and pharmaceutical companies by asking for the government to subsidize what should be the company's responsibility. Too bad our government is also so scared of losing a jot of power that it'll hand over money to any company/organization that comes up with good enough sounding dire warnings....

Exactly how much of the supply/demand chain do you have to own to be considered a monopoly? Maybe he still needs to buy some actors/actresses to qualify...

Stories like this make me wonder even more how much the military really rules this country...

humdrum days...

I spent Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thurs a.m. packing madly so the moving company reps would be able to give me an accurate quote. Now that's over, I've picked the company and have also selected (I think) my car transport company. The car transport was a bit difficult as the only recommendation I got was kind of high on the pricing end. I went back through some quotes I'd gotten mid-November and picked two that seemed reasonable. Checked them out via the Better Business Bureau and they seem clean.

I wanted to ship everything together but the moving companies were going to charge about $500 more for the car than an auto transport co. so I decided against the 'everything together' shipping.

Now, I'm bored silly. I don't have anyone to hang out with tonight (all my buddies cheesed out on me), don't know what I want for dinner, and don't have any movies to distract me. bummer! Tried to pack but didn't get much done. Did get the two essays for my mentoring application completed - now they're in jneal's hands for edit & review. Guess I'll get bloody paper back on Sunday or Monday.

ugga ugga ugga

Details killing the joy

Move details are getting more tedious...moving companies are telling me I may have to wait up to 7-10 days before my stuff gets delivered. On top of it costing quite a bit. Also, I'm going to have to ship my car separately as the moving co. will cost approx $500 more than an auto transport co. Shit. It's all about the distance - because I'm moving so far. I don't know that I will move back this way knowing what I know now. I did get a good price on my ticket but may have to stay with friends on this end longer than I thought. We'll see. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic right now but I know I'll be cheerier soon...

Healthcare

Although healthcare isn't something that's at the top of my activism list, it was recently brought to unpleasant light. My ex and I have been separated for quite a while now and part of the separation agreement was that I could remain on his insurance. This has been wonderful for me, especially through school. However, since I decided to move so far away, I thought I would check into my own health insurance and see if I wanted to finally break that last tie.

I got a very unpleasant shock. I got an initial quote from USAA, my insurance company for years and an absolutely *wonderful* company to work with. I sing their praises constantly - no sarcasm at all! They quoted me fairly reasonable coverage (the most I would have to pay in the course of an extreme medical emergency is $3000 during that year). The deductibles were a big high but not unreasonable and the covereage pretty basic (two dr visits a year with copays - additional visits to go towards the deductible). RX plan also includes a deductible but after it's met, decent med prices. However, all this at the cost of a bit over $200/month.

Right now, I'm not affording that. I'll stay on the ex's health coverage as long as he'll let me. Actually, I need to check with PSU b/c they have some health coverage, but I don't have the numbers yet. I wasn't that surprised at the number but it was the first time I really got a glimpse of how much healthcare costs. And I'm a young, healthy adult with no major medical issues. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like for someone with kids or someone with major medical issues. I've been part of the business world and, hence, have had reasonable healthcare coverage for so long that I just didn't realize how much it costs.

I know I can't fight every battle and that I've chosen to put my focus in other areas, but I know I'll be supporting the people fighting for affordable healthcare as much as I can from now on.

Testing the linking code...

This is the svastika I was talking about in my earlier post:

Goddesses & lipstick

Hmmmm - Athena wears purple lipstick?

I didn't understand what I was doing...

Duh - did we really expect anything less? Would you admit to something that would possibly land your ass in court, possibly having to pay large fines? hell no.

Also, it's interesting that the "I didn't know I was copyright infringing" defense is being used. What a crock of shit. If it ain't your creation, you're probably infringing on someone else's copyright. I read somewhere that the music industry and other creative venues should start looking at a more opensource type framework for distributing their work. Interesting idea - the music industry would probably take out a contract on anyone who actually came up with a workable opensource-based solution.

Secrecy, what secrecy?

My god - they ATE LUNCH where the poor guy worked! How much more evidence do you need that he was part of the conspiracy?? Between nationality and current employment, you could probably make some kind of case against any non-citizen (legal or illegal) in America right now...

Define your terms

In a recent post, I talked a bit about the difference, as I perceive it, between stating things in the negative and in the positive. I asked a friend his opinion and he said, basically, it all depends on how you define your terms. Well, so much for my fantastic new realization! Thing is, he's absolutely correct. I still believe in the power of stating things using positive and active language but I realize now that it's much more important that the parties involved in the discussion all understand and agree to the definitions. What language I choose to use after that is pretty much up to me. The words and how they're ordered are important but not as important as others' perceptions of those words.

I can use all the wonderful positive language I want to but if no one agrees that what I'm saying means what I think it means, all my fantastic rhetoric is useless. Jneal always hammers the point home - define your terms FIRST, before you do anything else. It's odd that my education didn't include the same kind of structured instruction in writing that hers did but I think I've gotten the essence of all her years of 'advanced' schooling - doing the best you can to make sure people understand what you're talking about before you talk about it. That same truth carries over into every aspect of communication. Making assumptions about *anything* is often the major ingredient in the Disastrous Relationships recipe.

Define your terms. First.

tidbittles...

Interesting that this essay was published in 2000. Not only have things NOT changed, they've gotten indescribably and dramatically worse.

Lee Harris makes a good point in this article on 07/31/2003 - I'm putting only this little excerpt: "...And there is an even worse danger. Because wartime is perceived as favoring the political interests of the party in power, the present administration's repeated insistence that America is at war may be interpreted by its domestic competitors as disingenuous and manipulative, even as a cynical ploy to keep popular support for the administration's policies..."

ANSWER - Act Now to Stop War and End Racism

Net power

If nothing else, the 2000 election has inspired creativity and organizational thinking amongst campaign leaders and organizers everywhere. The face of elections in America won't ever be the same after this past year's demonstration of the power of the Internet for grassroots organizing and dissemination of information. It will be interesting to see how things turn out, not just from an administrative change viewpoint but also looking at how the actual implementation of the process will change!

Energy's flowing again!

I had the most awesome massage yesterday! For those of you who don't believe in energy and energetic blockages, there's nothing I could say to help you understand how much it helped. My masseuse (sp)/energy worker is incredible and she *really* did a ton of work to break up and release the blocks I'd (inadvertantly) created. It wasn't the most relaxing massage ever but it was absolutely worth it. I got up today and realized just how much of my energy I'd blocked and just how little was actually flowing through my body. I mean - I feel like a totally new person!

Funny thing is, the blockages crept in gradually and I got kind of used to feeling 'low energy' the last couple of weeks - tired, run down, and listless. I'd forgotten how I normally feel - which is 'high energy', rested, relaxed, and vibrant. I can't even describe how glad I am to be 'back'... thanks Rayann :)

Random newsy tidbits

Holy smoke! Do we need a new terror level (maybe code red/white/blue?) when the threat is coming from our own countrymen?

We've all complained about corporatespeak and nonsense language and how they've crept into our daily lives.

You can help yourself lose this annoying habit if you have someone blow a whistle each time you do it! Actually, having someone clap is just as effective and probably not as startling... I think one of the reasons people admire certain speakers is simply because they don't indulge this anoying mannerism.

It's good to read more information on conflict behaviors that's clear and direct. I like this description of conflict (from the article):

==================================================
The Essence of Conflict
Conflict arises totally from within. It happens because what is liked is clung to and what is not liked is rejected, be it a belief system, material objects, or emotional patterns. Conflict occurs when what is clung to or rejected is in opposition to what someone else is clinging to or rejecting. The magnitude of the conflict depends on how much and to what extent each person defends their position.

Conflict is all around us, on all levels. Even if you have no particular interest in pursuing global peace, and your thoughts don't extend much beyond the end of your driveway, there is still no escape from the problems of conflict. National borders aren't the only places where wars are breaking out; the conference rooms of everyday work lives are stuffed with conflict. So, rather than shy away from conflict, it is better to do something about it.

There are two directions in which to travel. You can work to reduce or change your own wants and/or work to reduce or change the wants of others. Much of what is called diplomacy is based on the latter: changing or reducing the wants of other people. Mediation is the fine art of getting both sides to reduce or change their wants.
===================================================

I found the last section interesting although I'm a bit unsure if he's stating a preference for either direction. I also believe that both of those directions contain some inherent issues and I'd like to see them redefined.

Last but not least, I found someone who I think may be of great help to me. Danah Zohar has done quite a bit of work on bringing the ideas around quantum physics into our everyday existence. It's too long for me to go into here, but her work ties into the idea of the Zero Point Field and into my ideas about energetic communication. I've ordered several of her books so I can catch up on her work.

The energy field

I keep talking about energetic communication even though I don't have any good literature (yet) to point people to for reading purposes. Part of the reason for that is that, until recently, the idea of energy and humans as energetic beings has been pretty much deemed fodder for the new age lunatics and other off the chart crazies (no offense to either group intended). Now, however, more articles are being written about scientific forays into researching the energetic field and human energy in general.

As one of my goals is to de-mystify communication on the energetic level and facilitate awareness of our communication on that plane, I'm pretty happy to see this kind of research hit the mainstream. I figure that by the time I'm hitting my stride and beginning to develop my ideas for presentation, this type of stuff will be even more common. That makes my heart happy - anything to help ease the path is welcome :)


yay universe!

WHOOO-HOOO!

Okay - I'm a TOTAL dork!! I completely neglected to announce my acquisition of an absolutely fabulous little Nikon Coolpix 2100!! I've put off buying a digital camera for years - mainly didn't want to spend the cash - but finally caved because of the pending move. It's a decision I don't think I'll ever regret! My little digicam is adorable, tiny, and has a lot of neat features. I invested in a 64mb Lexar CompactFlash card to boost my oncamera picture storage to (max) 71. God knows if I'll take that many but I think it's probably possible!

yipppeeee :):):):)

Withdrawing - gracefully or not

Howard Zinn wrote a speech for a Democratic presidential nominee to use to get us out of Iraq.

Get your lazy ass out and vote damnit!!!

If you aren't already registered to vote - GET TO IT, NOW!!!!

Positive statements

I just had an interesting conversation with jneal that brought yet another perspective into the the idea of cr for me. We talked about how using the word 'nonviolence' simply states how you aren't going to respond, it says nothing about how we are going to respond. This speaks to the issue of creating positively vs negatively - a subtle but important difference. Creating from a loving perspective instead of a fearful perspective. It's all about the intent behind the thoughts and words.

I suppose what fascinated me the most was that I hadn't thought about it in that way before. I hadn't consciously considered the profound difference between stating something in the negative (I believe in nonviolence) and stating the same thing in the positive (I believe in peaceful protest). That seems a bit unclear so let me try for a bit of clarity - nonviolence connotes *only* that violence will not be used to respond. It says *nothing* about what the response *will* be or whether or not there will even be a response. This poses an even more interesting theoretical consideration when you use the word nonviolence because it raises the question - exactly *what* is meant by nonviolence?

We all know what violence is - it's the use of force to coerce, manipulate, threaten, or otherwise get people to agree or go along with you. However, nonviolence, which implies the absence of violence, has no such connotations. It suggests no action but merely the absence of violent action (or reaction). Absolutely fascinating! I'm guessing this question has been, or is being, addressed by nonviolent activists and other such persons but I have no idea how to find out what they're saying just yet. Another topic of study when I'm hitting the books I guess.

I realize it's all just a matter of semantics but I believe the words we choose are extremely important because they help shape the reality we create. If the words and their connotations are unclear or poorly defined, the reality that results is a morass of confusion and conflicting purposes. It is difficult, though, because violence is so pervasive and we are so conditioned to its acceptance and promulgation. Nonviolence, however, is different. The word itself, while meaning only the absence of violence, needs to have a much larger connotation that includes peaceful opposition and other types of resistance that don't include physical force.

Oh - something that just occured to me - how do we redefine nonviolence to include action against nonphysical violence? Violent words and violent energy also need to be addressed as they are usually preludes to violent action. I'm not sure if these two aspects are always included when we talk about resisting violence but quite possibly they are. It's funny, we're so focused on the physical world and the physical manifestations of violence - is it possible that we often overlook the subtle hints that violence is coming? I know there are more and more movements to address the root causes of violent behavior and that may exactly the preventative measure I'm talking about.

Alright - enough ramble for one morning...time for some breakfast!