Martin Luther King, Jr memorial in Charlotte

I'm not entirely certain what to say about this gathering. It was extremely small, maybe 25 people tops. No one spoke except the person with the microphone. There was a Free Speech Zone sign up - I'm not sure why. I heard that this particular gathering wasn't included in some other events (or something) because of the anti-war sentiment & protestors. The Free Speech Zone sign really had me wondering. Was the sign for our benefit (so people would feel free to talk, like a safe zone for abuse survivors) or was it to warn the (completely not present) police faction that we had staked out this territory as a place we could speak?

It struck me as so odd because this is Charlotte, banking capitol of the south and one of the larger southern cities. Of course we would pride ourselves on free speech but only within the boundaries of what is considered acceptable. Charlotte, non-hotbed of any kind of activism except the kind that advocates capitalism. Charlotte, where everyone seems to be about seeming as good or better than everyone else. Charlotte, the last place to step out of line & need police control for those out-of-control Free Speechers. Even within this zone, there was almost no speech.

You could tell that many of the people there knew each other - probably from past events and gatherings. There were few people like me, I think, people new to the scene and interested in making things happen. It felt jaded and old. Sad and faded. Tired, worn out, and dispirited with trying. There was a spark or two of enthusiasm but it faded terribly quickly. A city as large as Charlotte and we could only turn out 25 people in honor of the great spirit Dr. King. How terribly terribly sorrowful. Do people not care? Does the memory of what he stood for stand so far back that people can't touch it anymore? I can feel it even thinking about his words or hearing his voice. I can't imagine what it was like to hear him in person.

But it's not the man that's important, it's what he stood for. Nonviolence, equality, justice, right actions, right words, right behaviors. Are these things so lost from our vocabulary and daily lives that we can't remember them for an hour one day a year? Charlotte feels so dead, so lifeless and so without meaning for me. It feels dry and dusty, withered and shriveled up. A soul that's gone untouched and neglected, without nuturing, for such a long long time. To try to nurture such a shell feels like an impossible task for me now. Beyond the reach of my imagination and belief - how can I believe that I could facilitate such a thing? A lacking in confidence in my own power, my own strength and light. But I'll learn and I'll bring those things back.

I met someone today - a wonderful speaker, a man with a great and generous energy. I introduced myself to Mr. Ahmad Daniels after his brief speech and found a kindred spirit - albeit one who has journeyed much farther than me. I have been creating that the universe would bring me teachers, guides, and mentors and I believe he could be one. I also met the Codepink organizer in Charlotte. Apparently, the Charlotte chapter is in a lull right now but there are a couple of people still involved. I'm looking forward to possibly meeting some Codepinkers in Portland.

So an interesting mix of sadness and eagerness for me at my first ever activist event. It may not seem like much to other people, but I don't think I'll ever forget it. If nothing else, it will always inspire me to infuse as much energy, joy, and love into any event I'm involved in. That's what was missing today - there was no joy, no life, no happiness. It felt like a great deal of fear, anger, and bitterness (all understandable) but it was not a celebration of Dr. King's life and his message. It felt much more like we were grieving his absence and his presence rather than celebrating his spirit. Next time will be different.