it's really going to happen

i'm going to be moving in two weeks. the movers are coming next weekend. that fact is slowly starting to seem real. i looked in my fridge and there's almost no food in there. just some yogurt and a flat of eggs. my freezer has more but that's because i haven't really eaten at home much the last few weeks. there are several frozen vegetarian dinners but that's it. my cabinets are almost empty. all my closets are packed except the rest of my clothes. i have to go get another suitcase this week. i have to finish packing everything this week.

i'll be staying with people next week - i won't have a home of my own. my car will be gone. i'll be in limbo - drifting around feeling lost but trying to put a good face on it. it's becoming more solid. this step into my future is manifesting - it's not just a dream anymore. i've done the work to get it started and now it's taken on its own life. the creation is mine but the direction is still to be determined. all i've done is sketch the foundation and put in some broad strokes of outline.

i feel like i'm starting the crash down from an extended high. like i've been so happy and up over this whole thing i've put off feeling the sad stuff until now. that was a bit deliberate. i knew i couldn't handle all the details if i was depressed for a month before the move. but i suppose i'm going to have to deal now. it's like the episode in Buffy's 5th season - The Body - where they focused so much on the everyday details surrounding death. all i can think about is that one flat of eggs in my fridge and how soon even they will be gone.