Wicked women?

umm...I'm catching about five minutes of one of E!'s newest shows - 50 Most Wicked Women. Why is it that women are rated as the wicked ones? Where are the top 50 Most Wicked Men? I suppose I'm just sick of seeing every woman on TV act like a bitch in order to get a little power. And also I'm tired of seeing these 'bitchy' women constantly presented as either power-mongering man-haters (who just use men for sex) or absolute idiots who don't care about anyone.

It's no wonder women are confused - we have almost no realistic role models in the media. I know I don't fit either of those descriptions so where do I fit? This isn't anything new, I just thought I'd mention it.

What education can do

Over the course of the last few months, I've discovered more about our world and its workings than I ever dreamed existed. The problems that exist seem gargantuan, infinitely complex, and nigh impossible to comprehend. Although imagining a world without the -isms (i.e. racism, classism, colonialism, etc) seems beyond my ability, I deeply appreciate my teachers, mentors, and peers for helping me to learn about these things.

But I wonder, sometimes, if this process of educating myself about the massive problems that exist in our reality is good, or even worthwhile. When I think about talking to my friends or family about some of these things, I can just see the blank stares or disinterested gazes. Well, not that people are disinterested, just that all the academspeak can make it difficult to relate. Besides, who wants to relate to someone whose main interest is in misery and suffering?

It seems that the more I learn, the further away I get from the lives of the majority of America and the world. The information itself is becoming a barrier; a wall that I'm peering over as I place another brick on the pile. Each new piece of data, each new word, concept, or idea pushes me further away from the people I love and the life I'd imagined.

How can I sit down and watch reality TV when there are so many people dying of starvation - preventable in so many ways? How can I watch a romantic comedy when all I see are stereotypes reinforced over and over, to the detriment of women everywhere? How can I listen to the speeches of politicians and find hope when all I hear, over and over, is that America is the greatest country ever - never mind that we've imposed *more* than our share of misery on the world?

Ignorance is bliss? Perhaps, perhaps not. Would I change what I know, would I un-know it if I could? I'm not sure. With this knowledge, it's possible I can help make some changes - if I can find a way to integrate it into myself without becoming something other than an involved, compassionate human person. It would be easier, I think, to immerse myself in the study of the problems; to become an academic who is on a never-ending quest to further define and relate the myriad issues that we've created for ourselves.

The one thing I would like to change, if I could, is how this information is presented. I would have liked to have learned about the beautiful, lovely, hopeful, inspiring things first. I would want to learn to love my earth and my people before having the immense weight of our problems thrust on my shoulders. I would want to feel connected to the land and her people before having to analyze what's wrong with them. This is what I would change, if I could.

Now, it's harder to feel connected because all I feel connected to is pain and suffering, ignorance and doubt, conquest and domination. As a white American, I feel like I can never do enough to make up for the damage this country has caused. Part of me realizes the foolishness of that thought but, as my connection with the world was forged through that pain, part of me still thinks I can bear that unbearable burden. No one person can take responsibility for the actions of a nation - all we can do is try to live better lives and hope that our nation's actions will eventually reflect that better-ness.

I wonder if all education is like this - bringing awareness of injustice and oppression? Shouldn't education also include happy things or do we not feel those things are important enough to bring to people's awareness? After writing this, I'm starting to reconsider what I want to teach and how I want to teach it. I want the people I influence to be happy about their education and desire a strong bond with others - not run away from it because it's too painful or cling to it because it's all they have.

Arundhati Roy is

One of the most amazing women - ever. Read some of her essays, interviews, and speeches:

The End of Imagination
The Greater Common Good
Instant-Mix Imperial Democracy (Buy One, Get One Free)
Confronting Empire
The New American Century
an interview on Finding Justice
an interview with The Progressive
her speech to the opening plenary in the World Social Forum in Mumbai
her speech at the Syndey Peace Prize lecture

She is truly inspirational.

I LOVE this show!

I LOVE American Chopper!! I'm not entirely sure why except the bikes rock and watching Senior, Mikey, Pauley, and Vinnie build 'em is so much fun. I have to say that I *really* don't like Senior most of the time - especially some of the earlier episodes. Maybe he's learned how to NOT be such an asshat on TV...

I'm watching the Black Widow bike episode (a rerun) and I really like the way they talk to all the people involved in the bike including the chromer and the machiners who made the wheels. In some of the later episodes, there's a lot more focus on the Teutuls and them doing stuff as a family. About the only people we get to see are Justin & the painters - occasionally we get to see the guys who put together custom carbs or something.

At any rate, I'm diggin' all over the Thanksgiving day American Chopper marathon!

Let's not forget...

My family. I realized that my previous post about Thanksgiving didn't mention my family. Not exactly intentional but an oversight nonetheless. I know my mom and dad didn't intend for me to grow up feeling lonely and isolated, they did the best they could, but they didn't have particularly sterling examples to learn from either.

My brother, his wife, and my niece have been part of my Thanksgiving for the last year or two and that's been lovely. I'll really miss seeing them this year. I haven't been to my mom's for T-day in several years, in large part because my relationship with my dad is practically nonexistent. I haven't even seen family members (other than Brother & Family) on actual holidays in two or three years.

In any case, I love my bio-family also - Mom, Chris, Amy, Becky, and Victoria. I know my dad did his best but the best I can do right now is say thanks.

The happy face

I'm trying to put on the happy face but I can't seem to find it. I'm thinking about tomorrow - Thanksgiving - and the fact that I won't be with my best friends. I've spent the last four Thanksgivings with Christine and Christian - usually some other cool folks - at their place with their fabulous cooking. This year, they're in their beautiful, new home and I won't be there to celebrate the first holidays with them.

I love Portland and school and all the great stuff that this city has to offer. But it doesn't have my friends or my family. I have new friends but the feelings are different. I suppose it's because developing really deep relationships takes time and I haven't had that time yet. Maybe I'm just holding onto my familiar friendships because they're comfortable. Are they keeping me from taking the big, emotional plunge out here and extending myself towards new people?

What I know is that my heartfriends in Charlotte are a big part of the reason I'm out here - they supported me and loved me through these last, difficult years and have continued to support me since I moved. It's the first time in my life that I've been truly conscious of how much people mean to me and it's kind of scary. I'm learning more and more that my life as a child was such a lonely, disconnected life and that much of my journey is finding ways to fill those gaps and make connections.

We did an exercise in class this past term in which we were given a list of core values & asked to rate them. We narrowed them down from Top 10 to Top 2. The Top 2 in the class were love and family. Family didn't even make my Top 10. What does that say about how close I am to the people I grew up with? What does that say about me? I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes in my relationships, in large part because I never wanted to feel like anybody ever mattered to me. I never wanted to admit how much I cared for people. That makes me sad now and I'm sorry to all those people I unknowingly hurt.

I love you - Christine, Christian, Judy, Jessica, Dana, Patti, Glen, Chris, Cecilia, Harry, Bill, Steve, Melanie. You're part of my family, my heartfamily, and I miss you this holiday season.

Screamin' into high gear

Holy jumpin' lizard Batfriends - there's a whole lotta schoolwork goin' on!!! Since midsummer, I've had almost nothing to do academically. I think I even mentioned a couple of times that my schoolwork this term isn't all that challenging, etc. Well, it still isn't extremely challenging but it's suddenly ALL DUE!

That's right, happy readers, it's all due within the next two weeks. Four moderately-sized papers and two presentations. It's true that the presentation thing is sheer bad luck. In both classes, we got to pick which topics we wanted to present on and not only did mine fall at the end of the term, they fell on the same week. Sheesh. So, for my .50 of a reader, that means you'll possibly see some ridiculously random posting over Thanksgiving and then next to nothing for the next week and a half.

I'd wish everyone a happy turkey day but I'd rather wish you all a wonderful day of relaxation and good food with friends and family. kisses and hugs all 'round. :)

Grad committee

I met with my graduate committee for the first time this past week and it was quite good. We only had 30 minutes so I put together some ideas before the meeting. Needless to say, those were scrapped pretty quickly once we started talking. Thank goddess I'd spoken with rgoul so many times beforehand - he was great in helping me refocus and pulling the whole committee together.

As a result, I and my committee are focused on determining what the best education is for a peace educator. I'm planning on taking four courses next term and am thinking I'll be done with my coursework by next spring at the latest.

The lighter side of pain

Thanks to the Onion for making pain bearable with their ongoing mockage.

Vomit-inducing rant

Why do these kinds of political maneuverings still have the power to shock me? I mean, really, wouldn't you think that I'd realize that politicians are mainly a bunch of power-hungry, narcissistic, shit-eating, self-absorbed, narrow-minded, bigoted asshats? I guess what surprises me most is that they still try to pretend that they're following the rules.

Why the fuck even bother passing a law that says Tom DeLay can keep his seat, even though he's being investigated for major fund raising violations? Why fucking bother? He's gonna stay there anyway, as long as the ruling party lets him. The laws don't mean jackshit as far as that group of criminals is concerned. Aside from the absolutely reprehensible and abhorrent behavior, that's what disgusts me most; that they try to make us believe they have some respect for the law and for our democracy.

They have no respect for anything or anyone (even themselves) and it makes me sick to read about or hear them pretending they do. They'll keep any degenerate in power as long as it doesn't disrupt their status quo and power games. Anyone.

But all those disgusting and corrupt powerbrokers have been sent an extremely clear message by this last election: Anything you do is okay as long as you can appear friendly and likeable to the majority of the American public. Even getting caught isn't a big deal if you can find the right PR firm to represent you. That's right - PR firm. Lawyers aren't necessary because your buddies in the game will just change the rules so you don't have to worry about the laws. Just make sure your image remains strong.

And fuck all you Texans who voted for that unethical asshat. You should be ashamed but I'm sure you aren't. If you had any sense of ethics you would have demanded he step down, at least during the investigation. Instead, you fucking voted him back into office. Fuck ya'll.

And for all of you who might be tempted to scold me for being hasty and overgeneral in assuming that all politicians are corrupt shitheads, fuck you too. I'm pissed and I'm fucking sick of seeing these lunatics staking their claims to power at the expense of my country and my freedoms. I'm goddamn sick and tired of hearing about them do NOTHING but twist and corrupt our judicial system in an effort to bring themselves more influence and more money - with an almost complete disregard for the welfare of the people who live here.

Most of all, I'm so fucking sick and tired of hearing them pretend that they're doing it for us and that the problems are with the system. System shistem. The people in the system are the ones who are supposed to have enough courage, ethical nature, and wisdom to rebel and speak out when the system seems to be broken. Those fuckers don't want it fixed.

How can anyone who claims to be a decent human being live with themselves knowing that they're hijacking the freedoms and lives of millions to serve their own selfish interests? There isn't a word strong enough to describe my contempt and disgust for politicians at the moment.

W's

worried wrinklets whimper
wondering, wriggling:
where went we?
where were we?
who were we?
wrapped wonderingly,
wandering wistfully,
worry washes 'way

Schedule frustrations

I'm working out my schedule for next term and it's making my eyeballs hurt at the moment. I've gotten three courses that I want, the scheduling problems are showing up with my mentor assignments. I want to mentor two sections next term but I don't know if I can. It's possible if I give up the course I wanted to continue with maybe but, as I just sent email to crey, I don't know yet.

Mentoring two sections is important b/c it means I can take three courses. Mentoring one section remits nine credits - fine if your classes are three credits each, you can take three classes. However, my classes are four credits each which means I can only take two and a one credit seminar unless I want to fork over extra dough. Mentoring two sections remits 12 credits, plus some additional stipend money.

I kinda had my heart set on doing it but now it's not looking so good :(

tidbittles

Oh, the pressing moral issues that face this country.

Keep your hands on the keyboard - it'll make your work go faster...

For all you managers, here are some tips on working with smart people.

For those of us who value diversity & equality for all people, it seems that James Dobson is the current icky guy.

A lovely article from Yes! magazine about post-election 'pick up and move on'.

Gotta love Wikipedia!

Somewhat crreeeepy but entertaining.

Encouraging or depressing

You decide: http://sorryeverybody.com/

Is NC becoming more progressive?

Wow - I heard about the Greensboro Truth and Community Reconciliation Project this morning on Unfiltered on Air America. Although these types of programs have been going on around the world for quite a while, this is the first one of its kind in the US. Although it is sad that there is even a necessity for such a project, I'm glad to see that NC is leading the way. Go Greensboro!

Anger and Confusion

I'm 36 and I'm a beneficiary of the first and second wave women's movements. I've grown up with any number of rights and privileges as a result of the women before me fighting like mad for them. One of those rights is birth control. And now there is discussion from "Dr." Hagar of the FDA and some pharmacists about taking it away.

"Why" you might ask "would people want to take away an awesome thing like birth control? It's such a wonderful way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and help people with family planning."

You ask this even though the current administration claims to be support the family but condemns family planning to the extent that we've withdrawn monetary support for global family planning initiatives.

You ask this even though the Religious Right (not necessarily all Republicans or all conservatives) has managed to aggressively promote their agenda against potential life-saving late term abortions - normally only used in the *most* extreme circumstances when the life of the mother is at stake.

You ask this when the RR has managed to get 'family' redefined into an image they approve of in at least 11 states in the Union - normally progressive Oregon as one of them.

But I think it's even scarier than that. I think many of these people believe that women should be (basically) back in the kitchen, barefoot, and pregnant. Possibly, they believe that's the 'place' a woman should occupy. Birth control is the one thing, other than abstinence and/or celibacy, that gives a woman a certain amount of control over her own life.

Before birth control, women were basically at the mercy of their body and its ability to get pregnant. That doesn't even take into account the fact that men could fuck/rape their wives whenever they wanted to and a woman had no legal recourse. Actually, the legal option today still isn't that great but it's better than nothing. If birth control access is limited or removed, that means that, in order to retain that control over our lives, we have to completely abstain from sex or that we have to risk pregnancy with every, single encounter. I've got nothing against children, but I would like to have some control over when and if I get pregnant.

I know I'm looking at worst case scenarios but I don't think that's a bad thing right now. We've got to remember - Bush may be gone in four years but he'll leave a legacy of appointees who won't be. In addition to the Supremes, there are any number of other appointments that the President makes that are permanent until death or resignation.

I wonder if all those women who voted for Bush (because a man in their life told them to) even bothered to find out about any of this stuff. They should have because it could be them who's suddenly chained back in the kitchen.

Election news disclaimer

More than likely, I won't be talking about the post-election, vote-counting bruhaha here. There's just too much other, more extensive, more interesting coverage elsewhere. I won't even tell you where except to say that my sidebar has some good stuff. Actually, depending on your views, you may not want to visit anything in my sidebar.

At any rate, I do want to acknowledge the incredible amount of uncertainty and chaos still present in our country. Although Kerry conceded, his concession isn't legally binding. The Electoral College vote in December is legally binding. Who the f*ck knows what's going to happen between now and then?

As a final note - until those E.C. results are announced, I'm trying to keep my fear about the FDA appointments and rumors about women's access to birth control at a minimum. However, if those rumors end up being true and it comes to pass that we women have to start a fight about our right to get birth control, you men better step up to the plate. If you don't, you're never getting laid again. Period.

Assumptions

My Monday night class (Peacemaking, Peacekeeping, and Peacebuilding) has given me quite a bit to think about. Not specifically about what we're reading but, more importantly (to me anyway), about what we're *not* reading. My friend acap brought up a good point last night: There seems to be a lot of literature about what to do as conflict managers, how to manage conflict, steps to take when someone calls you, techniques you can use to help build peace, and so on, but there is little said about the personal growth necessary to help us become peacebuilders.

How do we get here? What motivates us to become peacebuilders/conflict resolvers? How do our personal stories and journies contribute to the ongoing evolution that can make us effective? I could ask the same question about engineers, software programmers, public planners, etc., but those fields seem heavily skill-based. There is definitely a need for a talent or inclincation in the area you choose, but there are skills you can learn that will help you accomplish your task regardless.

In the fields that require massive interaction with other people, however, little is said about what needs to happen in our personal lives so that we can be more effective in our work. Social work, counseling, teaching, conflict management - people in these fields have a great deal of direct influence over the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of the poeple they interact with.

So what do the practicioners do in order to take care of their own issues? At this point, that seems to be an extremely relevant question. What does a CR practitioner do in her own life that would indicate her preparedness for involvement in the lives of others? What does a teacher do that helps her constantly adjust and work with her students in a loving and careful manner? How do social workers and counselors manage their own emotional duress so that they are able to continue helping their clients?

Most of the 'answers' I've seen to this kind of question are surface and fairly shallow. "Take time off", "don't take it personally", "Nurture yourself", and so on. That's all well and good but what do those things MEAN? Does everyone who goes into any of these fields (or the many others I didn't mention) automatically know what to do in order to not just maintain some semblence of emotional/mental healthy but how to continue their personal growth?

I think I should be clear that I'm basing this whole discussion on my belief that personal growth is vital to our ability to work and interact with other people in a professional or personal capacity. It's another facet of my personal interest in connecting a spiritual practice with our ability to work, function, and cope in our public/professional lives. For people who are in professional positions that require an immense amount of emotional output, compassion, listening, understanding, and facilitation, it seems to be *vital* that they have some sort of practice to replenish their own resources. What that practice is, and whether or not they have one, seems important.

Is this talked about during the education process? I don't know, but I think it should be.

wordsthoughtsideas

denselypackedontoapage;
myeyesscanfuriouslytrying
tofindthosepiecesoflifeand
vitalitythatmayexistbeyondthe
barrierofunreadablereading

we quick quick

run run run to
hand over cash
to the
military barons
when they stomp stomp
their feet.
how s...l...o...w...l...y
we drop the
pennies
when the people
cry
for help

Good grief

My landlord is having the roof replaced and it sounds like effing herds of rhinos stomping around up there. I wouldn't care except a). I don't have class today and won't be leaving my home until around noon and b). I'm actually motivated to work this morning and the monstrous stompy noises are very distracting!

bloggies

El Photon (great pics!)
Dullest blog in the World
Japan Live (indy rock in Japan)
Santa's Crackhouse

tidbittles

The Story of Mouseland

Let's not forget about the Diebold promise to deliver Ohio to Bush

More CIA goodness

The electoral college, tool of the oppressor.

Five percenters

Interesting statement from KRS-one

Dasun Allah - a great hip-hop reporter

A difference of scale

I'm sitting here watching Mutant X and, during the commercial break, I see the following:

A commercial against taking drugs/getting high that depicts a teenage girl who hits an older man while she's high. Immediately following the end of that commercial, there was a commercial for painkillers.

This may not seem like much to anyone, but I'm of the belief that our country's ongoing need to run away from anything unpleasant is what, ultimately, leads people to drug use beyond those we consider 'safe'. I also think that most people rely even on 'safe' drugs too heavily. We often experience pain for a reason and using pain-killing drugs lets us ignore pain - thus ignoring its source for much longer than is healthy.

I'm not talking about pain from major trauma or injury, I'm talking about more minor pain that can signify things like stress, overwork, emotional distress, and so on. When we deaden the pain so we can ignore it, we ignore the warning signs our body is sending us and it goes to even more drastic lengths, and more serious illnesses, to get our attention.

Overall, I think our casual acceptance of drug use to deaden pain is part of what supports the idea that drugs offer solutions. In the end, our health is at stake and the drugs we take to keep the pain at bay differ largely only in how much of the pain they numb and how they do it.

The week ends

It's Saturday. The Saturday after the election and I'm actually considering pulling the tarp off Edina (my motorcycle) and going for a spin. For me, that's crazy because it's only going to be 57 degrees here today and I'm certain I'll freeze my ass off. For some reason, however, I feel the need to just go. I'd go for a long hike if I were in the country and could be away from the cars & buildings but I'm not. I'm in a neighborhood and anywhere I walk I have to watch out for cars and stay off the road.

Why would a motorcycle ride help? Specially since it's a vehicle itself and I'd be on the road the whole time? I'm not entirely certain but there's something about the wind rushing past and feeling the air on your body that kind of washes away thoughts and ill will. It's cleansing, in a way.

Well, I went out to check on Edina and she won't start. Battery sounds okay but she won't catch. I'm appalled at how bad my mechanical trouble-shooting skills are. It's pretty sad, especially at the end of *this* week. I'm surprised I'm able to blog coherently.

Jneal suggested I take a trip to the coast or something else to just get out. I called sbar and mdal to see if either one wanted to go see The Incredibles tonight but both were a no go. Now, I'm feeling much less motivated to do anything other than vegetate...

hardening

edged crystalline structures
sharper and sharper,
contrast
division
the harsh line between
light and dark
is thinly razored,
with no room
for gathering

DO NOT QUIT WATCHING!

Information from www.Nov3.us

===========================================================
FOUR THINGS YOU CAN DO TO DEMAND DEMOCRACY

1) MONITOR OHIO. Watch the situation in Ohio and be ready to respond to calls of support from Ohio groups. Read the reports by http://www.blackboxvoting.org/ and by Greg Palast alleging that Ohio's touchscreen machines skewed the election. See also http://www.accuracy.org/press_releases/PR110304.htm

2) MEET-UP with members of your community. Have a community meeting to
create a space to speak-out and discuss voting irregularities in your
community, what happened nationally, and where do we go from here to
demand accountability. Post your meeting on-line at www.Nov3.US - click on
"Directory of Local Actions."

3) CONNECT with the Urgent Response Network:

1. Sign the Pledge of Action, and check your email for alerts
2. Check this and related websites regularly
3. Sign up to receive text-message alerts on your cell phone
4. Call 917-779-0013 for an automated voice mail message

4) INFORM YOURSELF about and advocate for the full platform of voting rights, election, and structural reforms that will democratize America. Go to www.Nov3.Us and click on "Defend Voting Rights," "Reform Our Elections," and "Deepen Our Democracy," for some great places to start.

Drawbacks

I'm listening to John Kerry's concession speech and I feel so sad. Not just because he lost, but because I couldn't bring myself to just trust him. Living here in Portland, going to school, and learning about politics, our society and culture, world happenings, and other 'big' issues, have taken away my ability to trust politicians. Normally, I'd say this is a good thing but not right now.

Listening to Kerry, I realize that he is, simply, a good and decent man. He's a man I would not have been ashamed to have as president of this country. It's hard to say that around many of the people I know because Kerry is often viewed (by me also) as barely tolerable, with policies similar to Bush's and certainly not acceptable to a great number of extremely progressive citizens.

For me, even though I agreed that Kerry's policies weren't in line with my newly formed beliefs, I always felt that Kerry would bring an entirely different energy to the presidency. That he brought a much more positive and compassionate perspective; more thoughtful review of the issues. I felt slightly ashamed that I liked this man that so many around me viewed as barely different, let alone better, than Bush. I'm sorry that I wasn't a bit stronger in voicing my opinion of him.

He managed to maintain his dignity and ethical behavior in the face of a great number of vicious, personal attacks from the Right. He was gracious, well-spoken, thoughtful, and sensitive. He demonstrated a real and obvious love of family and seemed genuinely interested in what people wanted. I realize that many of his plans and goals are based on things I don't agree with. However, I do believe he would have made a decent president.

Violence may help

Okay, so not real violence but maybe some pretend violence? After about 100 slaps, I'm feeling marginally better.

Fear and trepidation

I'm afraid

for my young friends, who will, most likely, be subject to a draft for a war they don't believe in.

for my women friends, me included, who may be subject to a group of rich, white, neo-con, males telling them what they cannot do with their bodies.

for children in the public schools - that they'll be so indoctrinated into one set of beliefs that our hope for the future is jeopardized.

for those of us who speak out, that we'll be arrested and jailed for that speaking.

for my queer friends who have been sent a screamingly painful message about their place in our society.

for the rest of the world, as they bear much of the brunt of US actions

for the countries the US may invade and all the people who suffer as a result

for the poor, hungry, homeless, and destitute in this country. There is little hope in sight right now.

Most of all, I am filled with a deep and bitter sense of shame. Shame that I live in a country where so many people could support such an anti-humanitarian, anti-hope, anti-ethical regime. I am so so sorry - we tried and we failed. We will keep fighting but many will suffer from our failure and that knowledge weighs heavily on my heart.

Feeling downhearted

Even though I KNOW that there are millions of votes that still have to be counted, I have to say that the media spinsters have definitely affected me. Those motherfuckers have all but named Bush the 'winner', even though Florida has 1 million or so uncounted absentee ballots and the other states aren't in yet. What the fuck?

I've tried really hard to be compassionate and understanding; to know that people are afraid, that they've bought the media stories about terror and BushCo's ability to 'keep them safe'. What a bunch of effin stupid sheep. Bush is a goddamn psycho and the herd of mongrels around him are a pack of raving, evil, power-snatching lunatics.

How the fuck can people vote for someone who has rammed our country into massive, unbelievable debt, taken us into an illegal war, supported a cabinet member who's directly responsible for okaying innumerable, horrible acts of torture, illegally manipulated funds, awarded no-bid contracts to companies who are now raping the US and its soldiers, promised to put ultra-conservative (probably Christian) judges on the Supreme court bench, KNEW about the possiblity of a 9/11 and blew off the warnings, done NOTHING to improve our homeland safety, and is an absolute top-of-the line example of everything our country purports to stand against?

How can I hold up my head and say that I'm a global citizen? Will the other countries in the world see how hard we've worked to try and make things different - will they be able to forgive us if Bush does win? Can I forgive all those people who voted that fucker in? I don't know. I've tried so hard not to be angry at *all* Republicans or *all* conservatives and I don't know if I can continue to be compassionate.

Do they have any idea what they're doing? Do they?

Who's benefitting?

You know those little white papers that come in every prescription drug container? I'm wondering if the ones that come with a drug like Viagra also contain instructions on how to be a better lover. I ask because it seems that I'm hearing more and more commercials for a wide variety of 'performance enhancing' drugs for men and I'm just not sure that some men are qualified to keep an erection longer than they already do.

I'm concerned for the people who are the intended recepients of the benefits of the drugs. I mean really - if you're lousy in bed, do you really think your partner WANTS you poking away even longer? You know what I mean - guys aren't taking this stuff because they can't get it up to whack off! So, are the men being taught how to use their more potent penises? Or are they just shitty lovers who can keep it up longer?

Inquiring minds (and vaginas) want to know.

coming home

pieces and bits
scattered
randomly
in other places;
those that remain
::walled off::
who walks in the door?

Who's NOT supporting Kerry?

The peace people, as far as I can tell. I just heard an Air America news byte and the announcer was talking about all these high level military folk who are backing Kerry. It struck me, hard, that we put SO MUCH importance on approval from the military - how about some importance on the people who support peace?

I know there are many people in the activist communities who are going to vote for Kerry but most of the people I know are supporting him (mainly) because he's not Bush. Never forget, although Kerry may be the nicer side of the coin, he's still part of the same slice of society that Bush is and he hasn't said anything about moving our country towards a more peaceful existence.

"Stronger at home and respected in the world" does NOT automatically mean peacebuilding, either at home or in the world.

But what's the *real* issue?

I just read this short piece about the out-of-control brawling in the sports world that's getting so much media attention. It's not an extremely comprehensive piece of writing but there is an attempt to note the many reasons being offered as to why these violent incidents occur. I noticed that the general feeling seems to be that "we're defining deviancy downward."

While that may be true, I think the larger issue isn't even being addressed: The fact that we live in a society that glorifies violence and competition above all else. Is it a surprise that fans at competitive events take the competition to extreme limits? They're following the example that's set for them, both on the court and off, and not everyone has sense enough to know when to stop.

Also, considering the fact that fierce competition around sporting events is about the only 'acceptable' way for men in this society to demonstrate and release anger, it's certainly shouldn't be shocking that they release it in all sorts of crude and over-the-top ways. Supporting my point - note the use of the words "war paint"?

The point I wanted to make is this: When you live in and support a culture that okays violence in all its icky forms, don't be surprised when it starts interfering with the things you like.

It is

too much, too soon
he says
as I look around
bewildered,
wondering,
which of my dropped words
he decided
to pick up