What education can do

Over the course of the last few months, I've discovered more about our world and its workings than I ever dreamed existed. The problems that exist seem gargantuan, infinitely complex, and nigh impossible to comprehend. Although imagining a world without the -isms (i.e. racism, classism, colonialism, etc) seems beyond my ability, I deeply appreciate my teachers, mentors, and peers for helping me to learn about these things.

But I wonder, sometimes, if this process of educating myself about the massive problems that exist in our reality is good, or even worthwhile. When I think about talking to my friends or family about some of these things, I can just see the blank stares or disinterested gazes. Well, not that people are disinterested, just that all the academspeak can make it difficult to relate. Besides, who wants to relate to someone whose main interest is in misery and suffering?

It seems that the more I learn, the further away I get from the lives of the majority of America and the world. The information itself is becoming a barrier; a wall that I'm peering over as I place another brick on the pile. Each new piece of data, each new word, concept, or idea pushes me further away from the people I love and the life I'd imagined.

How can I sit down and watch reality TV when there are so many people dying of starvation - preventable in so many ways? How can I watch a romantic comedy when all I see are stereotypes reinforced over and over, to the detriment of women everywhere? How can I listen to the speeches of politicians and find hope when all I hear, over and over, is that America is the greatest country ever - never mind that we've imposed *more* than our share of misery on the world?

Ignorance is bliss? Perhaps, perhaps not. Would I change what I know, would I un-know it if I could? I'm not sure. With this knowledge, it's possible I can help make some changes - if I can find a way to integrate it into myself without becoming something other than an involved, compassionate human person. It would be easier, I think, to immerse myself in the study of the problems; to become an academic who is on a never-ending quest to further define and relate the myriad issues that we've created for ourselves.

The one thing I would like to change, if I could, is how this information is presented. I would have liked to have learned about the beautiful, lovely, hopeful, inspiring things first. I would want to learn to love my earth and my people before having the immense weight of our problems thrust on my shoulders. I would want to feel connected to the land and her people before having to analyze what's wrong with them. This is what I would change, if I could.

Now, it's harder to feel connected because all I feel connected to is pain and suffering, ignorance and doubt, conquest and domination. As a white American, I feel like I can never do enough to make up for the damage this country has caused. Part of me realizes the foolishness of that thought but, as my connection with the world was forged through that pain, part of me still thinks I can bear that unbearable burden. No one person can take responsibility for the actions of a nation - all we can do is try to live better lives and hope that our nation's actions will eventually reflect that better-ness.

I wonder if all education is like this - bringing awareness of injustice and oppression? Shouldn't education also include happy things or do we not feel those things are important enough to bring to people's awareness? After writing this, I'm starting to reconsider what I want to teach and how I want to teach it. I want the people I influence to be happy about their education and desire a strong bond with others - not run away from it because it's too painful or cling to it because it's all they have.