tidbittles

Wow - sometimes the endless bureaucracy CAN work in our favor! Kudos to Russ Kick for asking for the photos.

Not to knock Christians, but it looks like, when it comes to downloading music, their Christian teenagers' morals aren't any higher than the rest of the country's.

What a bunch of shitty dishonorable rat bastards. Randi Rhodes said exactly what I was thinking but much more loudly & clearly! Air America doesn't have audio archives yet but the gist of Randi's comments about this were - what a bunch of shitty, two-faced, mealy mouthed rat bastards.

oh thank GOD! I was SO worried about the outcome!

What the fuck?! So even if people have the truth rammed in their faces and smeared around they don't believe it? What fucking dimension am I living in? Scotty, please please please beam me up!

Epiphany

I've had an epiphany, a revelation, a clarification of amazing proportions! I am a peace educator. All that remains is to complete my coursework and get the letters after my name. I've spent the last day and a half considering the CR program and determining whether or not it can still serve my needs. I'm working on developing a personalized curriculum that involves (hopefully) replacing some core courses with peace studies courses and adding some courses in educational leadership & educational foundation.

I've got an appointment to talk to someone in the educational master's program to make sure the courses I'm interested in are actually what I'm looking for. I've also found courses in speech communication and anthropology that look good. I've got to talk to my program director and see how much flexibility he's willing to give me to create my own curriculum. Hopefully he'll allow me quite a bit but, if he's not comfortable with it, I'll do some looking around at either the education program or the interdisciplinary programs. I don't really want to leave CR but I'm absolutely *not* willing to continue with a program, pay big bucks, and vest a lot of time/energy in something that isn't what I'm passionate about.

I'm sure it'll all work out okay. What's most important is that I've found my focus. Peace educator.

Carlyle Group

Information on the Carlyle group. There's a video at InformationClearinghouse but I don't know how long it'll be there.

Absolutely reprehensible

I didn't have a shred of respect for Bush and his cronies but even I am appalled at the depths to which they're sinking. Trying to smear Kerry's military service is a fucking JOKE if you look at Bush's ridiculous claims about his 'military' service. Bush is a goddamned baboon.

I can't even think about this really - it's so ludicrous - about all the rhetoric around 'military pride', 'serve your country', and 'military personnel are so important' and see how he's trying to discredit someone who actually served. Why I'm hoping is that this absolutely shitty behavior will backfire so badly that it'll be like they campaigned for Kerry.

I'm not so sure the American people want to see ads and hear rhetoric that's aimed at discrediting a Vietnam vet & war hero. Especially with the war that's going on now, the 'patriotic fever' (Bush inspired no less) may actually work in Kerry's favor. It would be cool if Kerry's campaign came back calmly and started questioning WHY Bush is working so hard to discredit him. To not attack Bush but to put his motives behind attacking Kerry's service in question.

Observation

I find it interesting that everyone has pretty much accepted that Kerry is going to take the Democratic nomination. I mean, BushCo is already targeting ads at him and he hasn't even been officially nominated yet. Does this go on in every presidential election? I don't remember b/c I don't think I paid this much attention in the primaries of 2000.

Military recruitment in schools

I'm watching a show on OPB and heard a comment about recruitment in schools. Apparently, according to provisions in the No Child Left Behind act, if a school doesn't turn over student's information to military recruiters, the school can lose all federal funding. That's so mind-bogglingly chilling I don't even know how to respond. What other employer is given that type of free rein access to young adults? Don't students have the right to determine who they want their information to go to?

I checked around about this a bit and found out it's all too true. Fortunately, there are some pretty strong voices out there trying to educate young people as to the reality of military life versus what recruiters tell them. Check out Objector.org and AWOL. AWOL is affiliated with Objector but it uses music and art to communicate its message. I heard Mario speaking on Air America a couple of days ago and he was super!

David Sirota

Check out David Sirota's website - he's a daily guest on Al Franken's show on Air America.

Go WOMEN!!

The women's march on Washington yesterday was a TREMENDOUS success! Biggest women's march ever, biggest MARCH ever! We totally rock :):):)

pathetic for real

It's Saturday night and I'm bored out of my mind. mdal and I were thinking of doing something but I think we're not going to now. So I guess I'm gonna finish watching this movie and maybe go pick up a couple more...how absolutely sad. What's a gal gotta do to get a date around here?

tidbittles

Well well well, I'll be swannied... It took those ninnies long enough!

It's about time the war started becoming more real to ostrich-imitating Americans.

Wow - someone's actually investigating Diebold - what a shock! Hello people - the Republicans OWN Diebold, the vendor for *all* electronic voting equipment. In case you didn't already know, some states have made it law to use electronic voting equipment. Hmmm...makes me wonder just how accurate the vote counting will be... Check out this voting machine primer.

ARGH!! Leave us alone and let us trade our music!

More wretched war news

For those of you who haven't caught this yet, listen up: There is a good possibility that the draft will be reinstated if the war in Iraq continues. In fact, I would be extremely surprised if it weren't. The government needs more people to sacrifice for its oil-bloody agenda.

Please please please - pay attention and take whatever action you can to protest the war & call for peace. Bring our family members, friends, and countrypeople back home.

tidbittles

More damning evidence that mainstream press journalists really do suck.

Well, who's surprised by this news? Wasn't there a bunch of running around exclaiming over how violent cartoons influenced kids' behavior not too long ago? Why on earth would we expect anything different from teens watching soap operas? Are they so evolved they wouldn't be influenced by what they're seeing?

Fucking rat bastards. If I thought for a second that those assholes truly had the best interests of the families at heart, I'd be totally supportive. However, I think the main goal is to keep the sight of returning coffins out of the view of mainstream America. That it honors the families' privacy is only a bennie for the current bunch of warmongering shits.

Could the godamn media be a bigger herd of sheep if they tried?

Hear Hear!!! A snippet from the article:
====================================
"...The decision of the American public to generate a sexually-charged culture of coarseness and indignity might be regrettable, but it is the people’s right to make that choice, and not the government’s right to abridge it. Let indecency be challenged by parents, churches, private organizations and a reinstatement of the lost concept of shame as a guiding force within our society – not by government..."
====================================

Hate groups in Oregon. Note that there are eight total, four in the Portland area. Hate groups in North Carolina. Note that there are thirty three total, four in the Charlotte area. In both states, there may be more than one chapter of the same group. Notable also is that there are black separatist groups in North Carolina and nothing like that in Oregon. I will refrain from any comment but this: I'm gladder and gladder that I moved.

Some help with talking to your kids about gay marriage. Tolerance.org is a SUPERB resource!

leadership and power

I just had to write a reflective paper on a student leadership conference I attended last weekend. The conference was powerful in many different ways, I think the main two being the presence of all those other young leaders and some of the things mentioned by the speakers. I've already written my paper so I won't rehash it all here but the bottom line is that what I heard challenged my old definitions of leadership and led to the creation of new definitions.

My previous experience (and many current ones) had led me to closely associate leadership with the abuse of power. Although I still recognize that *many* leaders DO abuse power, that doesn't mean that I have to. I'm not one of those people and I know that I won't abuse either my own personal power or any power that's entrusted to me. It's pretty liberating to feel that as truth, as more than just spouting the words. I realized that hiding myself, trying to pretend that people don't look to me for leadership (sometimes) is useless. It doesn't serve me and it doesn't serve anyone else. For whatever reason, I was given the ability to lead people (or facilitate their growth) in certain ways. If I don't allow that to happen, I disrespect myself and them.

This is a bit rambly and unclear, I apologize, but I'm still kind of working this out. It's still pretty awkward and a bit uncomfortable to think about myself as a leader - I don't want people to think that I'm being egotistical and arrogant.

Psychology of Energy?

jneal sent me a link to a cool site that looks at a developing field: Energy Psychology. This looks like it ties right into the work I want to do around energetic communication so perhaps I'll be able to eventually use their research. yay! It looks like there's a certified practitioner here in Portland, I may eventually go visit him.

Two depressing stories

I thought I'd blogged about the 'reinstate the draft' rumors that started several months ago but I can't find the post so perhaps I didn't. At any rate, the rumor's been wandering around for a few months now but the topic finally made the Washington Post today. That makes me think it's more serious now. What's also scary is that some cities & such have been considering putting infrastructure in place for 'voluntary' sign up areas, other than at recruiting offices I think. Gee, wonder if that infrastructure would be helpful if the draft is reinstated?

Secondly, and this made me cry, Bush's remarks about Iran. For the 3.5 people that read this blog, you probably don't even need to ask why those statements upset me so much. Bush is sick. There is something so fundamentally twisted about how he views the world that I can't, on any level, find common ground with what his goals appear to be. How could he even CONSIDER that we would allow him to invade yet another country? Well, because we fucked up and let him do it twice. Maybe he thinks third time's a charm. It scares me to think what could happen if he tries it again.

Thanks to thast for these depressing pieces of news. Actually, they blew my sixth chakra right out. I had to stop & do some serious energy work on it to get it back and get rid of the looming headache.

Insurance for whom?

It just occurred to me that insurance companies (at least in North Carolina) have pretty much got a free ride - given to them by state gov't. I can't think of anything else you're required, by law, to pay for that doesn't have an immediate benefit. I could understand if the law required that you carry insurance to pay for someone else's car in case of an accident, but a LAW that requires that you carry insurance on your own car?? What if you don't care?

It should be my choice whether I want to insure my car of not. Of course, if there's a lienholder, the lienholder could require that I carry insurance - and they do. That's understandable because it's their property, not yours, and your paying the insurance is one of the costs of them lending you the money. However, why should state law REQUIRE that I carry any sort of insurance on a car after it's paid for? Why should there be legal repercussions if I decide not to carry insurance?

Yet another instance of how politics and big business are absolutely in bed with each other all the time. Who benefits from the state requiring insurance all the time? The insurance companies. Not me, not you. I'm not advocating for carrying or not carrying insurance. What I'm pissed about is that I'm required to carry insurance, even if I have an old clunker that isn't even worth what I PAY for insurance.

Another fucking ripoff.

exciting discovery

For all you activist educators I realize that this person is not a *new* discovery but she is for me. I've just discovered bell hooks. Actually, I've ordered several of her books & am going to pick up some others at the library tomorrow. This was prompted by an assignment in my mentoring class - I have to read a text/journal that addresses education in my field. I don't know that there are specifically texts about teaching in the CR field but I've also ordered some other stuff that seems similarly themed.

For some reason, I'm really excited by this particular piece of my education. Learning about teaching methodologies and philosophies appeals to me in such a fundamental way it's almost impossible to convey how strongly I'm drawn towards it. I suppose I've considered myself a teacher for a while now but never with any formal training. Now, I'm finding out that many of the more progressive and liberating philosophies are describing the things I've always felt about teaching and learning.

It's a wonderful validation to hear my thoughts and ideas around teaching reflected back to me, clarified and amplified. I love it! It's good to know that my personal philosophy is so in tune with that of progressive educators. Finding out about these newer ideas around learning is causing me to do some rethinking around my ideas of being an educator. I'm not ruling it out entirely, although it's not my focus...

tidbittles

For those of us who actually read 1984, this seems another step on the path to our own American Minitrue.

Kudos to Mercier but the contrast he provides is ludicrous to the point of idiocy.

Yeah! Big record companies should shut their faces - greedy RIAA bastards :P

The RIAA's weak and blabbery response.

Hysterical... My respect for Amazon sinks as I realize they're probably thinking about patenting the word Internet next...

Yet more depressing news about the state of electronic voting. How to find hope when it looks like we can get gypped anywhere in the process?

The soft money fight continues...

H.R. 3077 - a dangerous piece of legislation for institutes of higher learning? Here's a snippet from the article:

=============================================================================
"...This proposal represents a dangerous threat to academic freedom. The advisory board could investigate scholars and area studies centers, applying whatever criteria it pleases. The criteria almost certainly would be political. The whole point of the legislation is to impose political restraints on activities of Middle East centers.

The legislation, if passed, could actually diminish our national security. No first-rank university would accept direct government intrusion into the educational process. Such institutions would likely refuse to accept Title VI funding if it were subject to political oversight. The already dangerously low number of Americans competent in Middle Eastern languages would then be further reduced..."
=============================================================================

Not only the study of Middle Eastern languages but the Middle East in general I would guess. Hmm....I wonder if this would limit our ability to successfully interact with that part of the world?

More evidence of White House blame shifting. And over such a stupid thing.

LOL - more woes for the RIAA! Go incomprehensible studies guys!! LOLOL

Just how much more of this kind of infoganda are we going to see? BTW - I didn't create the word infoganda, I read it somewhere... A snippet from the article:
================================
"...Ryan is just a cog, yes, but in what? Machinery made to fool the taxpayers who paid for the video, and the journalists into whose hands it was deposited...
================================

Come on Google - as much as I love the search engine, I'm not too keen on the Gmail idea...

Go Howard!!!

How long before this type of shennanigan is being put on legislation as legal?

A good article about the ongoing copyright/intellectual property debate

Bet the RIAA would suspend their bitching about music sharing if they were called unpatriotic...

Yet another reason why people should seriously question what they watch on TV and what they hear. There are plenty of alternate news sources, you just have to take the time to check them out.

But the emperor still doesn't have on any clothes...

On a more personal note

Although the workload at school is nothing like the workload I carried at UNCC (thank the universe!), the last two weeks have been busy. I've been meeting people & working with thast on conference stuff for the summer. I've also just set up several meetings with various people to discuss possible capstone (thesis) projects. I've already got some ideas and the sooner I define them, the better I can structure my classes to support what I want to do.

I'm also trying to stay fairly active in the community and keep up with stuff that's happening. I'm meeting with a pretty well known community leader that thast introduced me to - I'm going to ask her about my potential project and I think she wants to talk about a project she's working on. She could be a great person for me to do some practicum work with. I'm also talking to one of my instructors about doing some outreach/education work around the new conflict resolution center the program is developing on campus. What I'd like to do is go into classrooms, student meetings & such and give short talks about the center & its purpose. That could be cool & it would be great experience discussing conflict resolution.

So lots of meetings going on, in addition to the normal reading/writing associated with class. My mentoring class is wonderful but I still feel a bit overwhelmed. Honestly, I think it's because they have *so* much information to give us. They've done an awesome job pulling it all together but I still am not quite sure if I'm missing assignments & such. These last two weeks especially were busy - I had class last weekend and then spent quite a bit of time on Tuesday observing a mentoring session and a class session. I know I have to write about them but I'm not sure when or what the format is supposed to be...

I haven't done much blogging lately I'm missing it a bit LOL I got used to writing pretty regularly and find I just don't always want to sit down & write. I've got a bunch of items piled up to review, perhaps I'll get to them sometime this weekend. Not too likely, considering I have a leadership seminar on Saturday & then Kucinich is going to be a festival downtown Sunday. Hell, I can't even find time to cook all the fabulous produce I picked up two days ago!

Observations

I've had the opportunity recently to interact with several different teachers and observe their teaching styles. This is helpful to me because I'm much more aware of what I do and don't like in a learning environment. I had a discussion with one instructor that left me shaking my head afterward. X (the instructor) was asking if I found the reading helpful and I said no. I asked for some other types of material but that didn't seem to interest X a great deal - X was more interested in us reading the book.

X mentioned a student who had brought in several other books & X seemed confused as to why this student had brought in other books. I told X it seemed obvious - the student *wasn't* getting the ideas from the assigned reading. I don't know that that went over very well as X began speculating on why the student hadn't asked for help and saying things like "this is grad school - there's no spoon feeding," "the student should come as for help," etc. I mentioned that perhaps the student didn't understand at all and was embarrassed to ask. No one likes to look or feel stupid. X acted like that thought was totally foreign/new.

After all that backstory, you're probably wondering if there is a point. Here it is: *I* shouldn't have to point out that kind of stuff to a teacher! I thought that was the point - teachers teach. I had to call jneal & vent a bit and she brought up an excellent thought: Once someone gets their PhD, there are no other requirements they have to meet to get a teaching position. This may be true of master's degrees also, I don't know. That means someone can go their entire career without having a single class on learning/teaching etc. and then be given a class to instruct.

How fucked up is that? And we wonder why people struggle in college, why education seems so difficult to attain. Particularly, I'm starting to wonder what the hell I'm paying for. If I'm having to point out such obvious things to a teacher - what exactly am I getting?

Silly me!

I finally finished the War, Peace, and Media website! It's live and it's pretty nice looking (wrenching arm to pat self on back...) If you live in Portland, OR or surrounding towns, please come visit us on July 12, 2004.

Email garbage

Factcheck.org has a couple of cool articles on debunking emails that make outrageous, incendiary claims on behalf of one political party or another. Read about it here:

Lying email #1
Lying email #2

Wow

I came across this poster in the Women's Resource Center here at PSU. It's one of the most powerful pieces of writing I've seen in a long, long time.

Mozilla

I just realized that my blog doesn't display properly in the mozilla browser. The left column is gone & some weird piece of code is displaying at the top. Notice that I didn't give you a link to mozilla? That's because I want you to see my blog in all its raging glory!

The slaughter continues

How long and how many lives before we realize that VIOLENCE DOESN'T WORK?! How many innocent Iraqi lives, how much blood running in the streets, spilled by American soldiers, before the American military machine is called off?

Is this how Vietnam began? Is this how protestors felt? If so, I can understand the rage and fury of those who saw through the tissue paper lies of the government and military. I feel useless, helpless, powerless. All words of victims and bystanders. I feel as if nothing I say or do matters now - all those lives lost. I feel that we're sliding down down down into an endless black hole of death, destruction, darkness, and chaos. Where no one is safe and where everyone grieves.

Can we still stop it? Can we stop the consequences set in motion by loosing the American war machine on a people with little to lose? At what cost our lesson - what cost to them and what cost to us? Dehumanizing each other, acting as if our actions affected none but ourselves and those we act upon.

From Pink Floyd's A Momentary Lapse of Reason:

The Dogs Of War

Dogs of war and men of hate
With no cause, we don't discriminate
Discovery is to be disowned
Our currency is flesh and bone

Hell opened up and put on sale
Gather round and haggle
For hard cash, we will lie and deceive
Even our masters don't know the webs we weave

One world, it's a battleground
One world and they smash it down
One world…one world

Invisible transfers, long distance calls
Hollow laughter in marble halls
Steps have been taken, a silent uproar
Has unleashed, the dogs of war

You can't stop what has begun
Signed, sealed, they deliver oblivion
We all have a dark side, to say the least
And dealing in death is the nature of the beast

One world, it's a battleground
One world and they smash it down
One world…one world

The Dogs of War don't negotiate
The Dogs of War won't capitulate
They will take and you will give
And you must die so that they may live

You can knock at any door
But wherever you go, you know they've been there before
Well winners can lose and things can get strained
But whatever you change, you know the dogs remain

One world, it's a battleground
One world and we're going to smash it down
One world…one world

it's NOT procrastination, it's my learning style!

I've done a bevy of personality index & learning style tests over the last few days and the results are in: I'm not a procrastinator when it comes to writing papers, it's just the way I operate. I like to let the ideas kick around in there & then dump 'em all out at once. I'm not kidding, one of the descriptions I matched up with specifically addressed people who like to wait till the last minute to complete assignments. I'll see if I can remember which one said that...

posters & more upset

Turns out that a group called Rose City Copwatch has put up these posters all over Portland:



Although I have compassion for the officers, it certainly appears that justice has NOT been served...

Power and the Sacred

I'm taking a class this weekend called Power and the Sacred. It's a fascinating class, a spiritual & cermonial class that takes a conflict resolution perspective. Our teachers use a variety of tools to introduce conflict so that our class can experience the actual process of resolution (or utilization). There have a been a couple of good experiences and a couple that I found a bit lukewarm. I took the class because I wanted to experience a radically different approach to CR and some ways to introduce a more spiritual aspect to the process and it's been both of those things. Here are some of the notes I made during the class:

We did some standing exercises (I think from Qi Kung or kung fu) that were interesting. The exercises start energy moving that people may not always move. That leads to potential unblocking and releasing that can trigger very emotional responses. It also brings an awareness of energetic flows and blocks. For example - limbs that have difficulty holding the posture for no apparent reason. People often block their awareness of these things.

How does physical exercise promote mindfulness? It can help in a couple of ways - by bringing our awareness to our physical being or by giving us practice experiencing something uncomfortable. Learning to recognize and stay with painful situations isn't easy. Our first instinct is to block it off, to disconnect from the situation. It's hard to disconnect from physical discomfort because it's so immediate.

Conflict is a struggle that we often try to disguise with peaceful, harmonious language. I didn't say that but I can't remember who did.

How you set yourself up physically has a direct and immediate impact on your energetic state.

People have to FEEL what is true for their OWN bodies. Even though we can use instructions and direction from other people, our responsibility to ourselves is to recognize what is best for our own physical being.

We had two good guest speakers, two of the men who spoke at the James Perez rally last weekend. Both were excellent speakers but I noticed their speaking styles both included statements designed to try & change people's minds about the Perez shooting. To convince others that they are right in their viewpoint. I realize that most speeches include this kind of rhetoric but I don't agree with it. I think that stating your own experience and your own views is enough.

There was an exchange between the younger speaker (about 18 yrs old) and one of the class members, a white woman who's related to Scott M (officer that shot Kendra James). I noticed a couple of interesting things - the young man got very defensive very quickly. Although my classmate didn't respond in kind, it was mainly because the young man wouldn't let her respond much at all. It was interesting to watch because he still has a lot to learn about interacting with people. Even if you totally disagree with someone's viewpoint & think they're a total idiot, the mature way to handle it is to let them speak their piece and respect that their opinion is different from yours.

It's interesting that white people (or many that I've listened to) seem to think that this issue is *not* about race. Black people that I've spoken with or heard seem to think race played a big part in it. Although I don't believe this issue was entirely race related, I feel strongly that race played a definite part. Trying to de-emphasize the racial aspect makes it worse. I think white people just don't want to go there. They don't want to admit that they may have racist beliefs and that those beliefs led, in part, to the killings.

Even more interesting - we didn't talk about this exchange at all after the speakers left. In a class designed to address power issues with relation to conflict resolution, I found this a letdown. Although, as one class member pointed out, there is value in simply witnessing the exchange, I would have liked to hear other thoughts and observations on the event.

I don't agree with some of the thoughts my instructors had about healing & a strong nervous system being the only way to heal. Their focus seems to be on strengthening the body to accept healing work but someone like a Carolyn Myss says the opposite - that the healing work must be addressed before the body can begin to heal. Maybe it's a case of the chicken or the egg. Perhaps both methodologies work equally well.

One thing Andrew's teachers taught him that I completely disagree with: They believe that we're totally alone, fundamentally alone, and that our only connection with others is through the line of ancestors stretching out behind us.

Andrew & John's experience is that you cannot bring anything innovative to Portland. They believe that people are very territorial and that their beliefs & methodologies threaten established practicioners. I say, you see and experience what you expect to see and experience. I don't feel that way - especially after having moved here from a city that *really* is reluctant to accept anything different.

For a class that focused on power, there was a lot of talk about power but from a seriously negative perspective. Most of the 'powerspeak' I heard from them was victim talk. I heard a lot of discussion around what they weren't allowed to do, how they weren't allowed to be what they want to be, how that's just the way things are, that things just 'happen that way', that we can expect a lot of resistance if we're going to pursue this work in an academic setting, etc.

I participated in a class exercise that involved each of us bringing in an item we considered sacred and then building an altar with all these pieces. This was a bit weird for me because I attach no significance to altars and had no emotional connection to the process at all. I participated because it was a group project and I did enjoy the initial sharing when we all talked about what our pieces meant to us. However, when the focus turned away from the sharing, the cohesion fell apart and the efforts became about 'doing' and not about 'being'. When a conflict did arise, the response was infinitely predictable, even in a class about conflict - everybody got silent and then someone changed the subject. I spoke with the person I'd conflicted with later and it turned out to be a great bonding experience for us but it was uncomfortable at the time.

So those are my thoughts. I have to write a syllabus for a class as the only assignment - how would I teach a class about power. It's due Friday sometime so I've got a couple of more days to mull it over. However, I will mention that although I found their approach novel, I wouldn't consider it radically different. They did include a variety of different exercises and I think taking a more spiritual and mindful approach is different than the current norm - extremely different. I just don't think they presented it coherently enough for me to judge whether it was radical or not.

New camera

I just bought a Yashica Copal-MXV, a twin lens reflex camera. I think it's about 30-40 yrs old and it's completely cool! I went out to the Wooden Shoe Bulb company and shot several rolls of film of all the tulips in bloom. It was a great trip and I'll post some of the pics on my website when I get them back. By the way - the camera referenced on the link isn't the same as mine but it's close. I couldn't find a lot of information about my camera.

I had an odd problem crop up, however: Two of the rolls of film I used didn't advance properly after I loaded the camera. The film winder is supposed to advance the film one frame and then stop but the winder kept advancing the film. I ended up winding through a whole roll of film before I realized what happened (I'll go get it rerolled). I shot another roll with no trouble but then ran into the same problem with the last roll. I'm going to drop back by the camera store & find out what they have to say about it.

yay!

Advising

I spoke with my program director today about the direction I want to take my studies. He was attentive and supportive and now I'm all freaked out. Not because of him specifically but about the whole thing in general. It was even difficult for me to articulate what I'm interested in other than saying 'spiritual peacemaking' and 'energetic communication'. Neither of those sound too definite or too realistic, especially since I couldn't do much by way of clarification. So, for all the world to see, here are the fear-based thoughts that immediatley arose:

1. There is not a lot of 'acceptable' scholarly literature out there. I won't be able to use the work of people like Carolyn Myss, Marianne Williamson, James Twyman, or Barbara Ann Brennan. These people are paragons in their fields but, because they don't write for academia, they don't count. Although there are people engaged in spiritual peacemaking, I don't know if it's considered a true part of the conflict resolution field. I also get a bit defensive about this because I have a big issue with a writer's work not being considered 'good enough' simply because she/he doesn't publish in scholarly journals.



2. I have no idea where to begin. I have the broad idea but I haven't developed the common theme to bring all the pieces together.



3. What if someone else does it first? Then it won't be my idea anymore. But it's not really mine anyway, I'm just building on what Christine McMahon taught me. I suppose at the lowest level, I'm afraid someone else's work will be better than mine.



4. I'll fail in that I won't be able to pull the pieces together. I won't be able to make a coherent whole from the disparate parts.



5. Maybe spiritual peacemaking is just another aspect of what's already available. Maybe I'm chasing shadows and wasting my time with further inquiry & research.



6. Perhaps I'm overestimating my abilities. Am I just kidding myself that I have what it takes to do this? Why do I feel my ideas are important enough to warrant study & investigation? Am I just fooling myself?



7. I'm afraid I'll be laughed at and not taken seriously. Although I wouldn't enjoy this on a personal level, it has the potential to damage the credibility of the idea, not just me. I don't want to make it even more difficult for the next person who tries.

I realize that these are all totally fear-based thoughts. I feel like they're forming because, although I still feel incredibly certain about what I feel drawn to study, I have no idea how that study will look and where it's going to go.

tidbittles

An interview with Joe Trippi - Dean's former campaign manager. Just more affirmation that citizens CAN make a difference!

This is an interesting discussion. I'm a big advocate of campaign finance reform but I'm also a big fan of getting Bush's ass out of office. Problem is, this kind of "shadow party" stuff can go both ways...

I'm glad to hear about this. It'll make it easier for those of us out of the know to get more information on minority media leaders.

LOLOLOLOL!!! Who would have thunk it? Go Howard!!!

So, once again we have to look to the American people to determine what's true and what isn't. Scary, if you look at their track record for the last two years. We can't trust the voting public, the media, or the politicians. So, who's left?

More proof that Bush knows how to surround himself with top notch asswipes.

Not unexpectedly, falsehoods abound in the burgeoning presidential race. However, here's a snippet from the report from the CEA:
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CEA: Outsourcing of professional services is a prominent example of a new type of trade. The gains from trade that take place over the Internet or telephone lines are no different than the gains from trade in physical goods transported by ship or plane.When a good or service is produced at lower cost in another country, it makes sense to import it rather than to produce it domestically. This allows the United States to devote its resources to more productive purposes.
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My question is - what more productive purposes? We've got more fucking people out of work with NO JOBS IN SIGHT! Those 'productive purposes' have all been either shut down or have moved oversees. What EXACTLY is moving MORE jobs oversees going to allow us to turn to? The statement is that any freshman level economics textbook would say the same thing but it just doesn't ring true for me. Wait - it IS true if the only thing you're concerned about is the bottom line! Stupid me, I was thinking of the people living in this country...

This is a great campaign - support it! It may not be the final answer but it could work until we find a better solution.

Portland is part of the AirAmerica radio family! Come on Al Franken - give us something to believe in!

Power to the people! Journalists should take a hint from this and jump on the bandwagon. I know there are a *lot* of good writers out there who have no interest in writing or working for large corporate media. This is their opportunity to share their perspectives & opinions and I'm all for it. Hell, it isn't like the information the news media is giving us is either accurate or indispensable anyway... I think there is a great deal of 'exaggerated sense of self importance' going around.

Exactly what I was just saying. Even though many people gobble up the fluff stories, there are masses of us who want real stories & real news. I don't have a problem reading someone's blog or an indy website instead of hitting the conglomorate sites. I think it's pretty fucking funny that they're suddenly waking up and realizing "hey - people do have a choice other than us after all!"

An excellent overview of trends in media/journalism today. It seems that, as with many other areas, journalism may need to take a sharp look at itself and do some redefining.

Who's surprised by this article? I mean, media only follows its big dog (read: political) leaders...

I remember blogging about this quite a while ago. I was disappointed, but not surprised that the US didn't participate. I guess, as far as America is concerned, we don't need to. I mean, we pretty much hold all the cards with regard to technology, right?

The previous entry led to me finding the Association for Progressive Communication.

James Perez

I just got back from the protest rally over James Perez' death. It was powerful and moving, angry, sad, full of grief and rage but also filled with hope for justice and potential reconciliation. I was standing in the section to the right of the stage, just behind most of the speakers, and was touched and amazed by the way the speakers connected with the crowd to express outrage and anger but also to promote peaceful methods of resolution, nonviolent ways to demand justice. It was a phenomenal gathering - the energy was good and even the anger wasn't threatening or overpowering.

I think what impressed me most was the feeling of resolve. The feeling of community and togetherness. What saddens me is that we rarely experience this type of bonding and those experiences are usually the result of a tragedy. That feeling of oneness should be an everyday thing - it should BE our experience of community, not the exception. I want my community to know that I support them. I believe that we deserve justice. After listening to several of the speakers, I also now feel that our police force needs something - whether its additional training or a big old revamping, I don't know.

It's difficult for me to speak to the issue of police because I don't believe the system in place now is working (obviously not) but I don't have a good alternative or solution either. The issue of excessive force is not local to Portland, it's nationwide. Actually, it's global and the world leaders are the ones setting the example. But following the leader has never been a good excuse for killing people. Although I have great compassion for the officer, my loyalty and support lie with the community. I believe the officer should definitely be brought up on charges and that the law should decide his guilt or innocence - just as it would a civilian who was accused of the same crime.

There are is a lot of information about what happened, here are a few articles I found interesting:

Robert King's (the police union leader) opinion on what might have happened. He wasn't there but he walks us through a hypothetical situation, step by step. The thing to remember is this: Only 24 seconds elapsed from the time the officers called in the traffic stop until Perez was murdered.

Additional information on the officer who killed Perez.

This story is interesting in that it addresses, in great detail, the issue of drugs found in Perez' body. Although I won't say that drugs are completely irrelevant, it think the media focus on the drugs & Perez' criminal background is mainly a distraction from the main issue - the fact that (apparently) a police officer murdered a young, black male for no obvious reason. The larger issue is also being treated somewhat lightly - the issue of the use of excessive force, especially towards the nonwhite community.

Speak up against ongoing police violence and lack of accountability.

One last note - I got to hear Democrat R.P. “Joe” Smith of Portland speak. He's a very new member of the Oregon house and I'd never heard of him. This is the first time I've ever met a politician that I thought I might be able to vote for and not feel I was compromising myself. I know nothing else about him but he spoke eloquently and he spoke to the grief and anger of the crowd. The amazing thing is - he's an old white guy but he connected with the audience and it was obvious that he felt the pain & outrage of the community and wanted to help put things right. To add a somewhat cynical comment - we'll see what happens...

disturbing

I just heard about the most recent incident in Fallujah, Iraq. What wasn't mentioned in the initial stories was the type of contract work these people were involved in - they were mercs. Don't get me wrong, this type of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and abhorrent no matter who the victims but let's not pretend they were innocent American bystanders either. Those men were over there in a military capacity, whether part of the actual American military or not.

So I'm guessing the next step is American retaliation, then more Iraqi jabs back and so on. When is this slaughter going to end?

cushion words and niceness

I recently had an experience that necessitated writing an unfun sort of email. I was writing to notify a person that I would no longer be involved with the group I had planned to be involved with. While writing this email, I found myself constantly squeezing in words that would lessen the impact of what I was saying, words that would subtly soften the effect of the email. I was *not* pleased when I realized what I was doing. Using words like 'just' and 'only' to soften what I was saying. Men don't do that sort of thing - why should women?

I reread the mail a couple of times before I was satisfied with the words and it felt strange to read it. It felt a little uncomfortable, as if I hadn't been nice enough. It felt like I was being too harsh, too strident with my message. Too bad. I've decided that I'm not futzing around anymore. I realize that I run a certain amount of risk of being labeled bitchy, pushy, cold, hard-hearted, detached, unfeeling, etc. but that's the opposite of the truth. I have enough respect and confidence in my own truth to speak it freely, without apology or cushioning. I also respect that the person receiving the message has enough strength of their own to deal. I believe many of the negative reactions that may accompany my decision are directly related to the difficulty people have in coping with a woman who (by their definitions) isn't nice, pleasant, accomodating, etc.

This doesn't mean that I'm deliberately rude, inconsiderate, or aggressive. It means that I'm not going to constantly find ways to buffer others against my 'overbearing' personality and my choices. I don't feel I should have to do that - I feel that's disrespecting me. I don't feel that I'm overbearing although I do feel I'm a high energy person who should be very aware of her impact on others. I do feel there are times when I need to soften my energy in order to allow others to feel safe and give them room to move and I've got no problem with that.

Overall, I'm satisfied with my decision to leave and don't feel apologetic at all.

in all seriousness...

I got this from jneal this morning - it's snipped from an email from Lilianna Corredor:

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Dearest friend,
I enclose two Messages from The Divine Mother:

1) Explaining the Divine Plan in relation to 'Healing the Love Body of Humanity and the Waters of Earth'.

2) World-wide Global Meditation for the FULL MOON of 5th April, to anchor TWO NEW STRANDS OF DNA WITH THE LOVE CODES of the Love Body and the ACTIVATION OF THE recently anchored LOVE GRIDS ON EARTH.

We encourage you to please send these messages to all in your list and ask them to pass these on, as these are very important activations for all of humanity and Earth.
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Although I don't follow these specific beliefs, I support their efforts toward a loving world. Personally, remembering this kind of intense detail is too much work for me.