cushion words and niceness

I recently had an experience that necessitated writing an unfun sort of email. I was writing to notify a person that I would no longer be involved with the group I had planned to be involved with. While writing this email, I found myself constantly squeezing in words that would lessen the impact of what I was saying, words that would subtly soften the effect of the email. I was *not* pleased when I realized what I was doing. Using words like 'just' and 'only' to soften what I was saying. Men don't do that sort of thing - why should women?

I reread the mail a couple of times before I was satisfied with the words and it felt strange to read it. It felt a little uncomfortable, as if I hadn't been nice enough. It felt like I was being too harsh, too strident with my message. Too bad. I've decided that I'm not futzing around anymore. I realize that I run a certain amount of risk of being labeled bitchy, pushy, cold, hard-hearted, detached, unfeeling, etc. but that's the opposite of the truth. I have enough respect and confidence in my own truth to speak it freely, without apology or cushioning. I also respect that the person receiving the message has enough strength of their own to deal. I believe many of the negative reactions that may accompany my decision are directly related to the difficulty people have in coping with a woman who (by their definitions) isn't nice, pleasant, accomodating, etc.

This doesn't mean that I'm deliberately rude, inconsiderate, or aggressive. It means that I'm not going to constantly find ways to buffer others against my 'overbearing' personality and my choices. I don't feel I should have to do that - I feel that's disrespecting me. I don't feel that I'm overbearing although I do feel I'm a high energy person who should be very aware of her impact on others. I do feel there are times when I need to soften my energy in order to allow others to feel safe and give them room to move and I've got no problem with that.

Overall, I'm satisfied with my decision to leave and don't feel apologetic at all.