Justifiable anger

I was talking to my friend clinc tonight and she said something that really resonated with me. We were talking about issues of size oppression and fat discrimination and she said she was angry, not at herself or her body, but at a society that made her feel bad about herself. For whatever reason, I'd never quite gotten that perspective before and I realized that she's 100% right.

Why the fuck should I feel bad about my body when I think I'm beautiful? Clinc's statement clarified what I've been feeling for a while now - that I'm no longer angry at myself for not being 'perfect' (as society defines it) but that I've been upset over feeling that I don't quite measure up; confused about why I think that there's even anything wrong.

I should note that this particular revelation is personal - there's so much literature and work being done around it that I won't even attempt to address the larger issue. It's frustrating, especially because *I'm* so conditioned to think that I should look a certain way - a way that's different from how I actually do look. I hate looking in the mirror and even thinking that I look fat or not toned enough or too fleshy. I hate that, hate thinking those things about myself.

I suppose it takes time to de-condition (or recondition) after a lifetime of brainwashing but I just want it to be over. I want to look in the mirror and like everything I see - not like most of it and want to change the rest.