Stream of consciousness

I haven't been blogging much lately and I find that I miss documenting all my thoughts and ideas. I also realized that much of my blogging in the last few months has centered pretty heavily around politics and what's going on in our country's government. I'm taking a short break from the political scene, partly because most of my energies are focused on schoolwork & conference stuff, but partly because I just need some rest.

I understand why people get involved in politics, it's quite addicting. The energy, the adrenaline, the passion, and the temptation to lose yourself in the fight. I guess that's that problem - it's so easy to get caught up in the rush to win that it's easy to lose sight of the goal. The goal of politics is not to get people elected or pass legislation, the goal is to improve the quality of people's lives.

That is something I don't want to lose sight of - that my goal is to help improve people's lives by means of education. And in that vein, I had an interesting little discussion with a classmate tonight. Actually, she decided to give me advice about my classroom behavior and how it isn't quite what is expected of a 'peace educator'. She also saw fit to throw in some comments about how it's not our behavior but how we feel that really counts.

Her little advice column was inspired by her interpretation of my behavior towards another classmate. I won't disagree that my impatience with the other person probably isn't disguised at all but I'm extremely aware of that. Being a peace educator doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect or that my behavior is always going to be loving, nurturing, and kind. I'm going to fuck up, be mean, make mistakes, and possibly hurt feelings.

Knowing that I'm human and that I'll make mistakes that might hurt people or cause damage doesn't make it any easier. I don't want to hurt anyone but I have to accept that I might. I realize my classmate's intentions were good but I was still really angry - especially because she's exhibited the same sort of behavior she claims I have. It also bothered me because I would never just start critiquing someone else's behavior or offering criticism unasked. Even if I felt their behavior was inappropriate, unless it was directed specifically at me I would leave it to the two of them to work out.

There are probably some cultural differences and such but she really pissed me off. She should seriously check her own behavior & such before commenting on someone else's.

There have been some other thoughts running through my head but they've been scattered - mainly due to the incredible amount of energy I'm expending keep up with all my schoolwork & the conference details. If I didn't have a *real* grasp on the notion of 'finite amount of energy', I do now. I'm not willing to burn myself out so I'm doing almost nothing other than school business. Oh yeah - and taking lots of naps.

I had a thought about something that I think would be a cool project for school: Offering student-led seminar/workshops. For example: If a graduate student were interested in a topic like film and conflict resolution, she could offer a 90 minute teaching workshop. These would all be student led, possibly grouped as a series or just as ongoing events. It would be a great venue for students to get some practice presenting their information and, hopefully, also bring them some good feedback. I'm going to talk to my program director about my idea & see if it might be something we could try out in our department.

I've also been thinking a lot about my recent feelings about wanting to dance more and what dancing means to me. I've been thinking about how dance in the US (and maybe elsewhere) is so structured. We think we can't dance unless we take lessons & dance within a specified framework. Dancing, and physical movement in general, aren't terribly encouraged in our culture. Sports and other structured forms of movement are about all we allow ourselves.

One of the reasons I love bellydance is because it's derived from the original dance and celebrates not only the female form but female body movement. Not to get all 'wannabe dance theorist' here but I think that dance should be about encouraging people to move their bodies and use their physical form as a way to reconnect to their own divinity. I strongly believe that dance technique is a tool to this end but I also believe that it's become an end unto itself.

We've lost the original reason for dancing and people now feel they aren't qualified to dance unless they take lots of lessons, perform, and reach a certain degree of technical proficiency. I don't believe any of that. I believe technique is useful and is a *great* tool to help people learn how to move their bodies outside their normal movement, but I don't see technique as the goal. That's what I learned from my instructor - that it's not about the technique but about the feeling, allowing the music to move you, and experiencing oneness with your spirit.

It's because of this that I feel I can help guide people into rediscovering their bodies through using bellydance and other kinds of movement. I don't mean as a paid professional or a performer, but as a woman who can help other women reconnect with their bodies. I guess we'll see what happens but I'm really looking forward to giving it a good try.

That's all for now...