Quick thought - I didn't realize there was a *difference* in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution but there is. It's not huge (like Biology and English) but there's a definite demarcation. So now the question is - which route? I'm still leaning heavily towards CR - just seems more focused on the person to person relationship whereas PS seems (note the word 'seems') to be a bit more focused on looking at the problems caused (at the root) by poor relationships.

Remember - these relationships can be person to person, person to many people, region to region, country to country, race to race, etc. but the BOTTOM LINE is the singular person and their response to the world around them. It is my strong belief that the outer wars that are raging are mirrors to the inner conflict we all struggle with daily. If we cannot accept ourselves at the most basic and fundamental levels, if we cannot accept that we are all (at the core) loving and light filled beings, how could we possibly truly accept that about others?

This has been an integral part of my struggle - learning to accept and love myself. Even though I did feel a great amount of compassion and love for others, there was always a part of me that secretly yearned for appreciation and gratitude. In time, I realize this yearning would have turned into resentment when I didn't get the appreciation/gratitude. In the process of learning to love myself, I rid myself of this yearning - the need for others to love me. I love myself more now so it's not as vital that others love or appreciate me.

That doesn't mean I don't want loving relationships, it only means I don't need appreciation and gratitude in order to feel loved. I think that's a big difference - it has been for me. So pulling this to the idea of conflict resolution - is it possible that our outward conflicts all mirror this inner conflict? But what if people emphatically deny that they have any inner conflict? Of course, it's possible (although not likely) that they don't. In which case they should be leading this country, not just talking about their lack of inner conflict! LOL

I think this is a most difficult conflict to resolve because we hide it from ourselves. It hurts to much to admit that (at some level) we don't love ourselves, we don't think we're worthy of love, etc. So what's so terrible about admitting that? Because once we admit it, we recognize that it's possible that all those ugly, fearful thoughts are true. That maybe we are fundamentally unlovable, black, evil, and unworthy. Why is it so hard for us to recognize the untruth of those statements? Because we're taught by much of our experience that bad things happen to us for no reason other than we must deserve them.

Believing that those statements are false and generated by a fear filled ego, requires a huge leap of faith - an amazing testament of trust. It is by no means an easy thing. But it can be done. Just like working to better our country and our world can be done. It won't be easy but it's not impossible. It requires a constant, huge leap of faith. It requires ongoing loving kindness and compassion. It requires that we look to our own personal issues for resolution before looking to resolve the issues of others. It requires the courage and compassion and fearlessness of a bodhisattva. I believe we can only acquire these traits through learning to love ourselves.

Pema Chodran wrote a book called The Places That Scare You. In it, she talks about looking at these scary places and learning to appreciate what we can learn from that study. I know I've learned much from mine and I appreciate where those fearful places have brought me. If I hadn't had those negative experiences overcome and scary places to look at, I wouldn't be where I am now and I LOVE where I am now.