disempowerment and conflict

I've talked briefly before about my troubles with Mr. Door, my neighbor. Things have steadily degenerated and he now appears completely opposed to talking to me personally and working anything out. I realize there's always the possiblity that things could change, but he seems to *seriously* dislike me. Without going into lots of detail, suffice to say that my encounters with him have been unpleasant. Well, I've contacted my landlord (again) and he said he'd take some action(my request was to institute a 'quiet hours' policy).

So if my landlord seems agreeable to helping mediate this dispute, what's the problem with me? I'm feeling all sad and down because there's a fight going on - a pointless little battle over something stupid. And it's made me feel totally disempowered, like I have no control over what's going on, I have to go to someone else to handle the situation and, even then, have no idea what is actually going to happen. I feel like Mr. Door has cast me in the role of 'unbelievably bitchy neighbor' and I wonder constantly whether or not I'm being unreasonable.

So why does any of this matter? Why would I even care enough to blog about this? Because I think it's important to follow this little spat to gain more awareness about how conflicts begin and grow. Good intentions and and polite attempts to resolve conflict mean nothing if both parties aren't interested in working it out. It's also important to realize that no matter how nice I may think I am, he obviously has a different opinion.

There have been some difficult spots for me - not letting myself get dragged into his drama (not wanting to be as unpleasant to him as he has been to me), not going on a justification rampage (where I list all the facts about what's happened - in excrutiating detail), and not taking his unpleasantness personally (his overreaction to my requests probably doesn't have anything to do with me).

Staying aware of what's going on isn't really that pleasant for me. It would be easier to either start retaliating, bitching to my landlord constantly, or seriously badmouthing Mr. Door. None of these are acceptable options for me so I'm kind of left with just turning it over to the universe and trusting it will all work out.

Part of the struggle I've had with this is the idea that if I'm kind enough, understanding enough, and patient enough that everything will work out pleasantly. This is another one of those ideas I'm going to have to let go of. Even though I'm not interested in mediation as a career, I think it's extremely important that I get lots of practice in not vesting my energy into a specific outcome. Getting upset because he's not responding to me the way I think he should is pretty much a big waste of time.

I've been polite, courteous, and reasonable and he's chosen to be cranky, fussy, and mean. I'm content with my behavior.