Inspirations and expectations

I reread Nelson Mandela's speech "Our Greatest Fear" fairly often. I don't have much to say about it other than I try to live my life by the idea he sets forth - that we are all part of god (whatever you think she is) and that it doesn't serve anyone for us to belittle or downplay our own worth.

Another beautiful and, according to some, very old piece of writing I have found extremely inspriational is Desiderata (see following text). I first heard this when I was fairly young (my parents had it on 8 track) so I didn't understand its significance. Now I do and I find it more beautiful every time I read it.

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Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--Max Ehrmann, 1927. © Robert L. Bell

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I believe that both of these pieces of writing hold strong insight into the path of our spiritual evolution as they both focus on loving and respecting ourselves first before we are truly able to love and respect others. I realize it sounds like I'm advocating complete self interest and self happiness and, in a way, I am. I strongly believe that we make no one happy by suffering and that we are unable to honestly and authentically love others without first loving ourselves.

That doesn't mean that we should disrespect or disregard the others in our lives or abandon all relationships in pursuit of our own self interests, with a complete lack of consideration for other people. It simply means that we should stop trying to fix the problems we see in other people and turn the Magnifiying Glass of Scrutiny on ourselves first. From personal experience, the vast majority of 'problems' we see in others are simply reflections of our own sad issues. People are not the monsters we make them out to be - they simply are who they are.

Although I'm not Buddhist, I do subscribe to many of the thoughts and beliefs held by Buddhism. One of the practices masters often teach is letting go of expectations. It is the belief of many (including myself) that most of our disappointment in both life and other people comes from our expectations. If we can find ways to not expect certain results or actions, we would see a great decrease in the unhappiness and disappointment in our lives.

Meriam Webster's definition of expectation:

1 : the act or state of expecting : ANTICIPATION
2 a : something expected b : basis for expecting : ASSURANCE c : prospects of inheritance -- usually used in plural
3 : the state of being expected
4 a : EXPECTANCY 2b b : EXPECTED VALUE

Definition of expect (much longer!):

Etymology: Latin exspectare to look forward to, from ex- + spectare to look at, from spectus, past participle of specere to look -- more at SPY
Date: 1560
intransitive senses
1 archaic : WAIT, STAY
2 : to look forward
3 : to be pregnant : await the birth of one's child -- used in progressive tenses {she's expecting next month}
transitive senses
1 archaic : AWAIT
2 : to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence of
3 : SUPPOSE, THINK
4 a : to consider probable or certain b : to consider reasonable, due, or necessary c : to consider bound in duty or obligated
- ex·pect·able /-'spek-t&-b&l/ adjective
- ex·pect·ably /-blE/ adverb
- ex·pect·ed·ly adverb
- ex·pect·ed·ness noun

synonyms EXPECT, HOPE, LOOK mean to await some occurrence or outcome. EXPECT implies a high degree of certainty and usually involves the idea of preparing or envisioning . HOPE implies little certainty but suggests confidence or assurance in the possibility that what one desires or longs for will happen . LOOK, with to, implies assurance that expectations will be fulfilled ; with for it implies less assurance and suggests an attitude of expectancy and watchfulness .

I realize that making the statement 'Release your expectations' seems simplistic and kind of dumb. Almost every person I talk to says "I don't have any expectations - I've learned not to expect anything from anybody." Again, from personal experience, I realize that statement is, fairly often, a complete lie. Not a conscious lie, not a deliberate or cruel lie, but a lie nonetheless. Goddess knows, I've told that lie to myself over and over and over. And I've been hurt by either shattered expectations or fulfilled expectations over and over and over. I don't know which is worse but both can be devastating.

I suppose the reason I've wandered on about expectations and inspiration in this post is simple - it's the first day of the new year and I'm looking at the personal things I'd like to work on this year. (LOL I'm may be setting myself up for a major paradox here) The main thing I'd like to keep my focus on this year (other than school) is learning to *truly* release my expectations. I can't call this a resolution for the new year because this is something that will take the rest of my time here on earth and is something that cannot be measure except in my own increased sense of joy and happiness. As long as I retain my joy and my happiness in living, I can know that I'm making progress in the direction I want to move.

The release of expectations feels like such an important issue for me - in my personal life and in the lifework I've chosen - that I don't think I could choose *not* to shift my focus to that exercise. Just as I can't *not* study conflict resolution, I can't not continue learning and practicing de-expecting myself (I'll have to come up with a better word).

After all that - my love and thoughts are with all of us in this new year. I dream of joy in life, happiness of self, and love eternal for each of us.