Reflections and a beginning

So I guess today 'officially' started my move process. I started packing stuff - real stuff and not just random stuff I wanted out of my sight. I packed up part of a bookcase and started packing my darkroom. Packing my darkroom is hard - I've had it with me for the last seven years and even though there's no way it can go with me, it's sad to think of it in storage. I am going to take my other equipment (lights, cameras and stuff) and my paper and other accessories. I'm doing this because I figure I'll probably have some access to a darkroom and that way I'll have paper and some other stuff.

However, I don't know what to do with all my pictures and negatives. The color stuff - the b&w is going with me. I need to make sure it's stored somewhere cool and dry and I don't know if storage facilities are that climate controlled. This is strange - leaving all this stuff behind. If I can leave it behind for two (or more) years, do I really need it at all? Probably not. Sad, that I carry so much unnecessary stuff around with me. Perhaps this is a chance for me to separate the wheat from the chaff and see what's really important.

I know most of my fiction books are going into storage while my acquisitions from the past two years (mainly spiritual and social awareness literature) is going with me. Also, *all* my technical books are going - the tech writing, english, undergraduate textbooks, and computer stuff is all going. Of course - that's the heaviest stuff also LOL

I'm having a hard time with this. Part of me wants to pack furiously and move as soon as possible, another part urges caution - "Wait until you get notice that you've been accepted" and yet a third part is saying "There's no rush - you have three months and you can't move until Feb anyway." But it's hard. Once a decision like this is made, any waiting or hesitation makes it harder. My heart isn't really here anymore.

My feeling on this is that I need to relax and enjoy the time I have left here - not rush through it madly. I went to the barn the other night and got really weepy thinking about the fact that I won't have this wonderful fellowship much longer. I won't be riding with these dear friends and my Sadie. I'll still ride but it'll be with new people and a new horse. But I can't stay - the pull to go is that strong. There's nothing for me here for now...